Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
10 RAMIFICATIONS OF SNOOP DOGG’S SON QUITTING UCLA FOOTBALL
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Big news: Scholarship player Cordell Broadus, son of the Doggfather, Calvin Broadus, gives up his football scholarship to become a regular student. I know! It’s like an earthquake swept through Westwood. What are the ramifications, you ask? We knew you were curious so we gathered them.
1) Now the UCLA cheerleaders won’t be able to strut their moves on the Fizzle Televizzle while makin’ a Pyramizzle. It would be wrong.
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2) Master P has the glee to tell Snoop his boy stuck it out longer at USC. (And by “stuck it out longer” we are in no way claiming Li’l Romeo has a longer penis than Cordell)
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3) Now that Cordell is off the team, and even though the Bruins primary color is Blue, the Crips do not get preferential mid-section seating at the Rose Bowl.
4) Snoop can go back to scalping tickets at Bruins games cuz Da Game Is to be Sold, Not to be Told.
5) All the Suge Knight tackling dummies Snoop donated to the football program will be removed.
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6) As per scholarship agreement, the name “Cordell” is dropped and “California” reinserted in UCLA.
7) Half the stadium audience, the alumni portion, won’t be scratching their heads wondering what the hell is meant when the field announcer screams “Whut Lodi Dodi, send a duce up in dey coupe!”
8) Now, since Cordell is no longer on the team and can’t catch any passes, no way will a group of Tank Doggs be there to scream “Bow-wow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yah!!”
9) Whenever a player rolls his ankle and then nursing it on the sidelines, he won’t be greeted by Dogg Pounders with these lyrics – “Put pounds of ice on ya, like white on rice.”
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10) Chronic won’t be available at the concession stand.