Nope, Not Cutting Out The Garbage In 2015


I made two resolutions for the new year – (1) defeat my gut and (2) stop reading crap news. Regarding the second, I’ve got a college degree, for god’s sake. So why am I drawn to The Junk? This surely needs to end.

Well, I’m sticking with the first resolution but breaking the 2nd (that didn’t take long). Why? Because I just realized something: buried within the towering mound of cultural garbage are nuggets of wisdom that you can’t find at highbrow outlets like PBS or The New York Times. And I get to pass these along to people like you, who are currently breaking your resolution to stop reading things like this. So it’s a win-win and allows us tell ourselves that we’re not squandering our lives.

Fact: breaking a dumb resolution entirely justified. So let’s continue sans-guilt, shall we?

The Crap News recently reported on a reality star caught speeding on an Atlanta freeway. She was flying, which apparently is how a Real Housewife drives. And she was driving on a suspended license.

The woman’s name is Porsha.

Her parents probably wonder why their daughter has issues involving cars. The takeaway is simple — names really do matter. They play a big part in the course of a kid’s future. Who knows why this is, but it is.

I’m so glad my parents didn’t name me Glock.

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3 thoughts on “Nope, Not Cutting Out The Garbage In 2015”

  1. I love junk food news….I can’t help myself. And if I had to give up actual junk food, myself deserves the ‘treats’ of the written word. Please continue to enable my addiction.

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