Technology Claims Another Young Victim (And What We Can Do About It)


A young woman in Florida was recently arrested after filming herself driving drunk and posting a live-stream video of the episode online using a platform called Periscope. It’s called Periscope because after filming a few videos of yourself you end up like the submarine in the film Das Boot. Stories like this make me glad that I grew up when I did. Back in my day the question you asked yourself after a tough night of drinking was “Oh god, what did I say last night?” Now that question has become “What did I stream online last night for the whole world to see?”

Think of that the next time some crotchety geezer tells you that “kids have it so much easier these days”. Thanks to things like Periscope, they definitely do not.

One article I read described the video as “inappropriate content posted out of a desperate desire for attention.” Which makes it no different from a televised GOP debate where confused candidates vie for speaking time so they can reel off all the different groups and nationalities they hate.

Which gives me an idea. People who want to run for President should have to agree to live-stream themselves 24/7 for an entire year before the election. This would have two benefits:

Benefit One: Efficiency

A married Family Values guy inadvertently records himself on his phone, swiping images of women looking to hook up on Tinder. The facade and his campaign end immediately, saving everyone else valuable time.

Benefit Two: Diversity

So many lesser-know but very interesting candidates receive almost no airtime. For example, have you ever heard of this guy, who ran in 2008, 2012, and is running in 2016:

“An American performance artist and activist, Vermin Supreme is known for wearing a boot as a hat and carrying a large toothbrush. His political platform includes mandating that people brush their teeth and promoting zombie apocalypse awareness and time travel research. He also promises a free pony to every American.”

Time travel research might be able to tell us why one of our two parties is stuck in the 1950’s. And I’d much rather watch Vermin than some rich guy who wants to turn people against each other. Maybe we need this Periscope thing after all.

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One thought on “Technology Claims Another Young Victim (And What We Can Do About It)”

  1. So you hope that sub-par candidates will torpedo their own campaigns by showing the depths to which they’re willing to sink? Maybe campaigns wouldn’t be so bad if candidates could be rigged for silent running.

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