The Narcissist Newsletter

WELCOME to the newsletter of the Association of Narcissists of the United States (ANUS).

My name is Anastasia, and I am a narcissist and the most important founder of ANUS. Recognizing my superior intelligence and organizational ability, my co-founders have agreed to let me be the boss. If they didn’t make me boss, I was going to throw a hissy fit, then go postal. I am very good at that, especially when I have remembered to load my Saturday Night Special.

First, I want to welcome all new members. You have just joined a group of the most self-proclaimed superior people in the universe. Feel free to plunge right in, ignore anyone who can’t do anything for you, make friends with all the cool people, get what you can from them and move on. We will all be doing the same thing to you, so it works out great.

Don’t forget to pay your yearly dues. If you don’t, we will send some co-dependent idiot to find you, and we won’t be responsible for what said co-dependent idiot does to you – and no, he doesn’t get his sadistic ideas from us, no matter what you have heard. Whatever he does will be his fault only.

Now that we have all that out of the way, here is the latest news from our members who have been the most persistent in clamoring for our attention:

Narcissist Bob was just hired to work in the mailroom of his father’s multi-billion dollar corporation. Bob knows that, with the rampant nepotism in that company, he won’t be in the mailroom very long. Oops! Sorry, Bobby – that should have read “with his obvious executive abilities, he won’t be in the mailroom long.” My bad.

Narcissist Marie just divorced her fifth husband. This time he was willing to give her $2 million to make her go away. Marie thinks that she will marry one more time, then just stick to fortune-hunting young, handsome gigolos. After all, she is getting a little bit long in the tooth, if you get my drift.

Narcissist George is now Georgette, and she wants me to write that she looks fabulous in her new Donatella Versace couture and Prada shoes. I prefer Gabbana myself, but each to her own.

There’s more, but I’m tired of doing this and I’m going to go somewhere and do something more fun. Until next month –

Anastasia I.
Co-Founder and Chief
ANUS