Want A Jew To Fall For You? Try These Funny Pick-Up Lines! | HumorOutcasts

Want A Jew To Fall For You? Try These Funny Pick-Up Lines!

February 7, 2015


KOSHER PORN is a new collection of funny pick-up lines just for Jews, written by humorist Sarah Rosen, and illustrated with photos by Tom Stokes. It’s based on Rosen’s popular dating blog, Porn4Jews. And it’s hilarious.

Rosen started her blog after a year and a half of post college-dating, during which, she writes, “I encountered many eligible bachelors who reaffirmed what I WASN’T looking for in a match. But I also began to home in on the qualities that I was looking for.” Which were? “I liked the dark-haired smart ones who were family oriented, seriously funny, and fully equipped to say the blessings at Shabbos dinner with my parents.”

In other words? She wanted a nice Jewish boy.

Rosen decided to explore her “traditional Bubbe-approved taste in romantic partners” through a blog that combined age-old Jewish values with modern day memes. All with irreverent wit.

The cover of PORN FOR JEWS shows a sexy mensch who gazes at the reader with bedroom eyes… as he lights a menorah. (And the author photo is of a curly haired Jewish temptress who is, naturally, eating rugelach.)

Inside is series of photos of adorable Jewish twenty-somethings, uttering pick-up lines like:

You’re Jewish? Can I check?

You had me at Shalom.

My shul or yours?

Tonight’s the first night of Peseach. Let’s practice reclining.

If you’re free later, they’re showing Schindler’s List at the JCC.

I went to Camp Ben-Yehuda too!

Let’s have a bunch of kids and name them all Josh.

Guess where I hid the Afikomen?

I grew up Reform but I’d go Reconstructionist for you.

I’m so glad our therapists introduced us.

Just meeting you made me want to break a glass.

I can’t believe we had the same Torah portion!

Let’s spend a romantic weekend… at my Bubbe’s in Florida.

I only keep it Kosher in the kitchen.

I’m more than just a nice piece of tuches.

I’ll love you almost as much as your mom does.

Stay the night. I’ll make you challah French toast in the morning.

Next year in Jerusalem? How about right here, right now.

KOSHER PORN is a giggle to read. But it’s also a nifty illustration of the way, with laughter, what’s traditional and what’s modern can successfully mix. And even match.

If you happen to be searching for a perfect Jewish mate, here’s one way to tell if you’ve met “The One.” Give him — or her — a copy of this book. If they don’t crack a smile, keep looking.

(First published by Womens Voices for Change.)

Roz Warren

Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from The New York Times to The Funny Times, is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library: An Insider's Tales of Library Life, both of which you should buy immediately.

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2 Responses to Want A Jew To Fall For You? Try These Funny Pick-Up Lines!

  1. Kathy Minicozzi
    February 10, 2015 at 12:49 am

    Although I am a shiksa, I lived in Israel for four years while singing with the opera company in Tel Aviv. I had no trouble attracting Jewish guys who didn’t mind that I was a goy. Of course, those were the old days, many pounds ago and before the gray hairs came in. I think my only hope nowadays would be to join a senior center and hope that some guy 20 years older than I am will see me as jail bait.

  2. February 7, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    This sort of makes me want to convert. I’m also married so that’s a double whammy right?

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