In a startling development overnight, Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton was swiftly tried and convicted in a court of Uncle Ray’s Facebook wall. Uncle Ray, over a period of about 128 minutes, carefully and methodically convicted Secretary Clinton after producing numerous blog-like article-ish posts from such publications as “Con Chicks,” “Beekin Of Truth,” “Patriot Defenderz,” and “Cherub Of Justice.” Ray was careful to avoid any traditional publications which are historically tainted by potential bias due to the possibility of the inclusion of factual information.
Each link and meme methodically placed into evidence contained several damning vague general suggestions and assumptions of possible insidious and heretofore unreported illegal activities regarding the Democratic party nominee. While there were way too many words to sift through in one sitting, it was readily apparent to all educated Facebook friends that the level of misdeeds was “pretty serious” due to the high percentage of capital letters alone. Many of the pieces, dating back at least six months, each promised to promptly spell the end of Clinton’s candidacy (AKA “blood reign of terror”) with an immediate prison sentence. All memes were carefully vetted by making sure they had at least 100 likes at their primary source.
Many followup comments cited the 3 Constitutional amendments and 43 political opponents literally left buried in the former Senator’s wake. From Vince Foster to the barista at Starbucks who spelled her name as “Hilary,” no witnesses called to the page could understand how such a prolific killer could remain at large, though most eventually agreed that the lizard people who have infiltrated all levels of government surely had something to do with it. Also especially damning was a picture of Clinton with a red sickle in place of the “C,” thus obviously proving her allegiance to Russia.
The lone obstacle standing in the way of conviction was one comment questioning the sources of the evidence, but that threat was promptly averted by a procedural move to declare that poster “a stupid libtard,” which was quickly seconded by twelve others.