How To Strengthen Your Flabby Dare Devil Muscles

Molly Stevens
Skydivers jumping from airplane

Every hometown newspaper in the universe has featured a story about an adventurous retiree fulfilling a lifelong dream of skydiving.

I see that beaming face lunge from 14,000 feet and shudder. I could NEVER do that. Or could I? Could the straightest path to a mature adrenaline rush be a matter of…practice?

Skydivers jumping from airplane
Courtesy depositphotos/sibsky…edits by Shallow Reflections™

It is common knowledge that young people take risks and feel invincible. But what about those safety conscious AARP members? What kinds of high risk behavior can they practice to strengthen flabby dare devil muscles?

Here are a few ideas:

  • Sitting on a toilet seat in a public restroom without checking it first
  • Leaving home without your GPS
  • Negotiating the bathroom in the middle of the night without your glasses
  • Taking a nap without your CPAP
  • Playing miniature golf; those windmills can be deadly to the uninitiated. I once had a serious rug burn when I fell on a putting green.
  • Doing a crossword puzzle with an ink pen
  • Mistaking the local medical marijuana dispensary for a Walgreen’s
  • Mistaking the local Walgreen’s for a medical marijuana dispensary
  • Answering a landline phone. My sister broker her ankle doing this.
  • Going to church on Sunday morning without a respirator…..the day after a bean supper
  • Going to bed without flossing
  • Drinking a caffeinated beverage after 10 a.m.
  • Setting up a Twitter account….and tweeting
  • Going to a dance where no one knows CPR
  • Filling your weekly pillbox….correctly
  • Having more than one medical specialist
  • Sending a Facebook friend request to your daughter/son/grandchild
  • Answering the phone when caller ID says ‘unavailable’
  • Wearing horizontal stripes
  • Joy riding across a Walmart parking lot…..without wearing your seatbelt

And the mother of them all…are you ready for this?

  • Taking a bath or shower. Considering all the millions of injuries that occur every year in this hygienic death trap, we should all wear a medal each day that says, “I survived the shower.” I’m thinking of installing a digital safety scoreboard in my shower, so I can keep track of my injury free showers days. I feel more courageous just thinking about it!

By practicing these and many more, I have no doubt there will be a free fall in YOUR future. I hope you post it on YouTube so I can experience the thrill of it too.

What kind of risks do you take to keep a sense of danger and excitement in your life? Have you ever gone skydiving? Would you like to? Are you itching to try some of my ideas?

For more of my humor go HERE.

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8 thoughts on “How To Strengthen Your Flabby Dare Devil Muscles”

  2. I think that most of us in the AARP crowd are incredible daredevils though we may not realize it. For example,
    1. Every morning I press razor-sharp razor blades whirling at a high speed to my neck and face.
    2. I routinely get into a projectile and sit close behind a device where about 50 explosions per minute occur, and while traveling about 60 mph, I aim my projectile at oncoming parallel projectiles (also going 60 mph such that we approach each other at 120 mph), trusting that they will not cross a painted line so that we will pass each other only 3 feet or so apart instead of colliding head-on.
    3. I still exchange 80 million germs with my wife each time we kiss.

    1. Life is full of risky things for us seniors, Bill. I like how you have put it in perspective. I avoid razor blades (at least until summer) but I do get in a car with trepidation each day. And kissing is so unsanitary! I guess after a lot of years, our germs are all used to each other and greet one another like old friends.

  3. This is what it comes to. How about going upstairs “to get something” without a note to remind you of what it was you needed? Who knows how long you’ll be up there so easily distracted…

    1. OMG Suzette. I can see the missing person report now. “Senior citizen went upstairs and a search party has been dispatched to locate her without success.” Do you suppose they will need to get specially trained dogs to pick up on her scent?

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