Nope. Still don’t wanna build a snowman. | HumorOutcasts

Nope. Still don’t wanna build a snowman.

January 24, 2016
By

I wrote this back in February of last year, and for some reason I started thinking of it again this weekend. Really, it works best if you have the music playing in the background while you’re reading it.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­____________________________________________________

Maybe you’ve seen “Frozen”. Maybe you’ve been frozen. Either way, I think you can relate to how I changed the song’s words, to reflect my feelings about winter. If you’re not familiar with the song, just ask any kid. If they don’t have the soundtrack or a karaoke version, they can probably still hum the tune from memory.

 

“I Don’t Want To Build a Snowman”
(sung to the tune of Do You Want to Build a Snowman)
I don’t wanna build a snowman.
Come on, are you crazy?
I’m not going near that frozen door
Call me a bore
I’m not going to freeze today.

I’m used to being warm
and when I’m not
I wish that I could die!

I don’t wanna get the frostbite.
I don’t want to see fingers white.

Go away, Winter.
Okay? Bye…

I don’t wanna build a snowman.
Or get hit with wet snowballs.
I think the outside may be for you,
I don’t like turning blue
and suffering from falls.

(Just hangin’ at home.)

I’ll stoke a fire or two
Staying in my room,
and at least then I won’t die.
(Brrrrrrr)

Please don’t make me go out there,
People are asking when it will end.
They say their skin has turned to ice,
Out there it’s not so nice:
Just go back in.

We’re not such a fan
Of this icy land,
But what are you gonna do?

I don’t wanna build a snowman. [sniff]

____________________________


 

So … should I post my next great song, “Stop the Snow”?

 

 Snowman
But … I’m so cool!

 

Mark R Hunter

Mark R Hunter is the author of three romantic comedies: Radio Red, Storm Chaser, and its sequel, The Notorious Ian Grant, as well as a related story collection, Storm Chaser Shorts. He also wrote a young adult adventure, The No-Campfire Girls, and a humor collection, Slightly Off the Mark. In addition, he collaborated with his wife, Emily, on the history books Images of America: Albion and Noble County, Smoky Days and Sleepless Nights: A Century or So With The Albion Fire Department, and Hoosier Hysterical. Mark’s work also appeared in the anthologies My Funny Valentine and Strange Portals: Ink Slingers’ Fantasy/Horror Anthology. For two decades Mark R Hunter has been an emergency dispatcher for the Noble County Sheriff Department. He’s served over 32 years as a volunteer for the Albion Fire Department, holding such positions as safety officer, training officer, secretary, and public information officer. He also has done public relations writing for the Noble County Relay For Life, among other organizations, and served two terms on the Albion Town Council. When asked if he has any free time, he laughs hysterically. Mark lives in Albion, Indiana, with his wife and editor Emily, a cowardly ball python named Lucius, and a loving, scary dog named Beowulf. He has two daughters and twin grandsons, and so naturally is considering writing a children’s book.

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2 Responses to Nope. Still don’t wanna build a snowman.

  1. Kathy Minicozzi
    January 25, 2016 at 12:02 am

    We just got hit by a crazy blizzard here in New York City. I often dream of going outside after a snowstorm and making snow angels or riding in a winter wonderland. The last two days, however, I have only left the apartment to go down to the basement and throw out some boxes. It isn’t cold and wet inside the building.

    • January 25, 2016 at 2:27 am

      Exactly my reaction to snowstorms. My wife, who hails from southern Missouri, was all about getting out and enjoying the snow, until about the second day she experienced it … then she joined me watching it through the window.

      New York and the rest of the East Coast has been very much on everyone’s minds the last few days!



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