Invisible Vegetables, Sandwich Bags and Other Hauntings

By: Janet
By: Janet

The grownups, on the other hand, don’t look cute when we grow. We’ll be eating leftover Halloween candy through Easter. Is it ok to be almost grateful for preservatives? It’s really not a goal for me to acquire winter fluff to keep warm, thanks. I’d rather just buy another sweater. I can always stash some candy in the freezer and the basement. Out of sight is very much out of mind at our house, unless you’re a vegetable. Vegetables can be pretty much anywhere in plain sight and still remain invisible, especially lettuce.

I am of Polish descent, we are not a skinny people. My age is also not helping, so as much as I would love to take one for the team and help “dispose” of all that extra candy, I find myself being careful. We “of a certain age” know how hard it is to lose extra weight now versus that magical period in ancient history known as our twenties. I will be scouring the internet in search of recipes using all sorts of Hershey’s and Mars products in hopes of getting the leftovers down to a dull roar. My spouse would take some of the stuff in to feed his office mates but frankly he ends up eating too much of it himself. He is also Polish and not in need of additional insulation.

Swearing off the overbuying is a hard lesson to learn. I am a squirreler from way back. There’s a tub in our basement labeled Miscellaneous Gifts for birthdays and Christmas. It has saved my bacon on several occasions when I need something to fluff out a gift for someone whose pile looks stingy. There’s also a pantry shelf down there for nonperishable things we pick up on sale. This unfortunately is a bit of a black hole since sometimes I forget what’s down there. My next kitchen, I hope, will be bigger with a real pantry in it. It would be nice if the thirty seventh jar of spaghetti sauce was a conscious decision. The damn thing is so loaded you’d think we had a bunker, too. What’s more useful in the event of a nuclear holocaust than forty five boxes of sandwich bags?

There are a few things I have stopped buying altogether for quite a while. I had it stuck in my head that we must be able to build furniture with all of our boxes of tea, for example and then I get taken by surprise when we run out. Still, it’s better than my spouse asking me ‘Hey, who was president when we bought this?’. The only thing I can attribute any of this to must be the thrill of the hunt for a bargain. I’m always late in just about every other aspect of my life. It is rare that anything gets done early. I’ve been known to fly out of the house mentally checking to make sure I’m wearing pants. It seems weird that I would actually have something on hand before I need it. Paying full retail is just not in my genes. Too bad organization isn’t either. You’re all getting sandwich bags for Christmas, you’re welcome.

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