My Presidential Candidacy

An American Hero

I could never run for president: too many skeletons in the closet.  I’m a thieving, crime breaking, citizen who could never survive being vetted.  I sample the grapes before paying for them. I am a thief.  I smoked and even inhaled.  You can arrest me for drug possession.  I’ve bought and killed an untold number of plants in my lifetime.  I am a mass murderer.    I told my kids they couldn’t eat dessert unless they first ate their vegetables.  I am an extortionist.

Upon even further pondering, I may not even be a US citizen as it is a fact that my father spoke Hungarian before he spoke English.  We’ve had a first Catholic, a first black man, and we may be in for our first woman as president, but I don’t think the country is ready for its first thieving, drug possessed, mass murdering, extortionist.

Then again, unlike our current congress, I do know how to compromise since I can verify that I’ve lived with a person of the opposite sex for over thirty years.  Actually, this might make me an American hero.

Perhaps I’ll jump in the race after all.

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