Short, Shorter, Shortest

hard-workout-gym-squatsNew scientific research shows that the benefits of a 45 minute workout can be achieved in one minute.

Don’t believe me? Here’s the link:

Using this same strategy, scientists have found you can lead a fruitful and productive life in 6 months, rather than the arduous and expensive 80 years we’re doomed to live.

Instead of the regular 10 seconds to achieve an erection when aroused, men can now achieve one in minus 15 seconds. This basically means erections 24/7.

However, due to Newton’s Third Law (for every action, there is an equal and opposite erection), all erections will be 2 inches shorter.

The 10,000 hour rule for mastering an activity, first articulated by Malcolm Gladwell, has been reduced to 3 minutes watching a YouTube video, plus reading Coles Notes on a toilet.

The American primary and election can now be held over lunch at a Blimpies.

The entire history of the universe, which is infinite, is still infinite, but with fewer commercials and more nudity.


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