Show Biz And Marriage | HumorOutcasts

Show Biz And Marriage

October 28, 2016
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I must confess that it is really difficult to describe some of the wacky commercial shoots I work on to the average civilian, let alone my wife.

I have been on sets where we: stuffed an old lady in the trunk of a car so she could bake cookies, had an actor wear a pair of boots made of live cats, and filmed the world’s largest walnut.

We have wedged a Woodie (car) in the middle of the giant donut sign, made it snow in Griffith Park in the middle of summer, and used a real falcon to scare away wild parrots so their squawking wouldn’t ruin the sound takes.

One time we even let a giant cockroach drive a car through a neighborhood.

IMG_1725.JPG

Oh, there’s more. So much more. But I can’t tell you the actual details of any of those shoots because I have signed hundreds of those highly legal, very threatening, Non-Disclosure Thingies.

So let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that I was explaining the shoot I just worked on to my wife. That’s Spousal Privilege, right? I think that is a loophole . . .

Normally her “how was your day?” is followed by my sort of mumbled “some guys talked, we worked late, where’s my wine?”

But the last job was very unusual, and I couldn’t resist trying to describe it.

img_6102Each day I came home, my wife’s query was followed by something like, “A lady climbed in an M-1 tank and fired a shot,” or “a guy drove a monster truck and smashed two cars to smithereens while trying to parallel park,” or “a family was admiring the gun ports from the inside of an armored car.”

“Why?”

“Um, because the Dodge is a better car?”

“Uh huh.”

img_1100Now she thinks I’m making it up.  Apparently I’m getting up at 4:00am to go have a rendezvous with some cheap floozy.  Which is absurd, of course, because what cheap floozy is worth getting up for at 4:00 a.m.? Doesn’t my wife know that I value sleep over any of that extra-curricular stuff?  Oh, and that I love her and only her?  Besides, isn’t “cheap floozy” redundant?  Evidently coming home smelling of sun block and old aviation fuel isn’t convincing her.

So now I’m not going to get my wine until she sees these spots on the TV.

Damn.  I hope they cut this one quickly.

Forrest Brakeman

Forrest is a former stand-up comedian, half of the ancient comedy team of Proops & Brakeman. After training with the Groundlings, he founded the improv comedy group Los Angeles Theatresports where he performed and served as Co-Artistic Director. Forrest has performed at The Comedy Store and The Laugh Factory in Los Angeles, The Punch Line and Cobb's Pub in San Francisco, and has appeared on The Tonight Show and The Sunday Comics. His essays have been published in the Los Angeles Times, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy/The Mid, Boomer Cafe, the Los Angeles Daily News, NPR's "This I Believe," and the Chicago Cubs Yearbook (you heard me).

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8 Responses to Show Biz And Marriage

  1. Bill Y Ledden
    October 29, 2016 at 9:03 am

    I must take note of this Spousal Privilege thingy and then get married. This is going to change my life. Thanks Forrest.

    • October 29, 2016 at 5:30 pm

      I like to play a small role in your hypothetical life. Carry on.

  2. October 28, 2016 at 6:35 pm

    I think you deserve a lot of wine especially after the over-sized bug!

  3. October 28, 2016 at 2:31 pm

    If you ever need a 70 year old woman to be filmed watching TV while knitting and playing with a cat, I’m available. I’m also safe, in case your wife inquires.

  4. Bill Spencer
    October 28, 2016 at 2:16 pm

    We always knew you’d have commercial success.



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