So what would your epitaph be? | HumorOutcasts

So what would your epitaph be?

November 30, 2016

strange-1205249_640So here’s a cheery thought: We’re all gonna die.

I suppose there’s a less in-your-face way of saying it, but for most of us baby boomers, the reality is that there are simply more days behind us than ahead. And none of us is getting out of here alive. In fact, our births pretty much guarantee our deaths.

If we’re realists and responsible, we’ve already tackled some tough mortality-related issues like estate planning, advance directives and funeral arrangements, making our wishes known to our loved ones. In fact, I wrote an earlier post about how we boomers are putting the “fun” back in funerals, planning uniquely personalized final sendoffs.

But have you thought about your epitaph?

The reason I ask is because there’s an actual Plan Your Epitaph Day (it was November 2 this year). I kid you not. In 1995, a fellow named Lance Hardie reportedly established this observance to coincide with Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos), a Mexican holiday that honors the dearly departed. Nifty tie-in, huh?

Hardie’s intention was to raise awareness about taking control of our epitaphs. He wanted us to think about the short phrase or statement that captures the essence of who we were while we roamed the earth, and how we want to be remembered—kind of like a tweet or tagline for the ages. Or, for those of us so inclined, it’s our opportunity to literally have the last word.

For inspiration—or maybe a few chuckles or eye-rolls—here’s a sampling of epitaphs other people have on their gravestones (some famous folks, some unknown) that I found online:

I’m a writer, but then, nobody’s perfect (screenwriter and producer Billy Wilder)

Well, this sucks (somebody with the surname Mitchell)

This ain’t bad—once you get used to it (Murphy A. Dreher, Jr.)

Let ‘er rip (actor Leslie Nielsen)

I will not be right back after this message (producer and talk show host Merv Griffin)

He never voted for Republicans and had little to do with them (Bill Kugle)

I told you I was sick (Odell Gill Douglas)

I knew this would happen (George W., Jr.)

There goes the neighborhood (comedian Rodney Dangerfield)

A gay Vietnam veteran. When I was in the military they gave me medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one. (no name visible)

I’m just resting my eyes (Gloria Russell)

The shell is here but the nut is gone (no name visible)

Raised four beautiful daughters with only one bathroom and still there was love (no name visible)

Faults I may have. Being wrong is not one of them. (no name visible)

One hell of a woman (B. “Snooty” Lockwood)

That’s all, folks (Mel Blanc, the voice of Porky Pig and numerous other cartoon characters familiar to us baby boomers)

I was talking to some friends about this blog topic recently, and we all agreed that it’s not easy to summarize our lives in a line or two. But we had a few laughs imagining what our epitaphs could be—many of them reflecting the influence of social media or incorporating other pop culture references:

Five-star Uber customer rating

Low-fat diets don’t work

No regrets

She was always early

I hope there’s wifi where I’m going

Update my Facebook status, please

Follow me @TheNextLife


Hashtag this


That went fast

Not tonight, dear


Off the grid

It’s five o’clock somewhere

Google me

Return receipt requested

I’ll have another, please

First person, past tense

I’m resting in savasana

Being a life-long Rolling Stones fan, I’ve also narrowed down some of the band’s songs I might consider for my epitaph:

Out of Time

I’m Free

Time Waits for No One

Not Fade Away

It’s All Over Now

The Last Time

Can’t You Hear Me Knocking?

Miss You

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

So what about you? Have you given any thought to what you want your epitaph to be? Would yours be sad and serious, or funny and irreverent? Does it seem too ghoulish to think about? Please share…

While you’re thinking about it, here’s this week’s haiku:

Life is like haiku:
it’s short, but you find room for
what truly matters.

Read more of my humor here.












Roxanne Jones

Roxanne Jones blogs at, a mostly light-hearted, often irreverent look at life as a baby boomer, 17 syllables at a time. When she’s not tapping out haikus, she’s a freelance medical copywriter, enjoys chardonnay and contemplates plastic surgery to get rid of the wattle on her neck.

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8 Responses to So what would your epitaph be?

  1. December 1, 2016 at 9:16 pm

    I’m never a woman of few words…so this is far too hard for me. But it does remind me of the time my 3-year-old wanted to buy a balloon for the cemetery for Aunt Cindy. She insisted on the one with daisies..and I bought it and put it on my sister’s grave. It said, “Get well soon!”

    • December 4, 2016 at 7:43 am

      That is TOO funny! Thanks for starting my day with a laugh, Cathy!

  2. December 1, 2016 at 7:20 am

    My top three choices:

    Don’t blame me;I didn’t vote for him

    I never took a Xanax in my life. yes, I’m that person

    and if my husband outlasts me and he probably will: The salt is on the middle shelf of the top lazy susan.

    • December 1, 2016 at 8:27 am

      I’m partial to the first one, but the third is ever so practical! Thanks for commenting, Donna!

  3. December 1, 2016 at 1:23 am

    My epitaph:

    Poor thing. She tried.

    • December 1, 2016 at 8:28 am

      Oh, I think you deserve WAY more credit than that, Kathy!

      • December 3, 2016 at 10:38 pm

        Okay, then. How about one of the following:

        “Is this Heaven or Iowa?”

        “If the IRS comes, tell them I left the country.”

        “Can I haunt people now?”

        • December 4, 2016 at 7:45 am

          Can I haunt people now…leave ’em wondering!

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