Study suggests unprotected sex prevents memory loss

Ah, science. In the “strange but true” category, here are some research results that may have you scratching your head: According to this study, women who have unprotected sex are happier and mentally sharper than women who use condoms. Here’s the scoop:

After proving that semen contains such substances as melatonin, oxytocin and serotonin—which have been shown to improve sleep, enhance mood, increase feelings of affection and reduce depression—scientists at SUNY Albany hypothesized that women who had unprotected sex would be happier than those who used a condom.

To prove their hypothesis, they surveyed 293 college women about their sex lives and, based on the responses, determined that women who had regular, unprotected sex, including performing fellatio barebacked, were happier than those who practiced safe sex.

What’s more, they discovered that sexually active women—even those who categorized themselves as promiscuous—who usually or always used condoms were on a par in their unhappiness with women who didn’t have sex at all.

The researchers also found that women who had a significant amount of what they call “seminal plasma” circulating in their bodies had improved concentration and scored better than their semen-deprived counterparts on cognitive tests.

Unprotected sex
helps preserve our memory?
Forget about it.

Call me contrarian, but I just can’t help but wonder how happy women would be with an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease that would likely come with having a lot of unprotected sex. Or how smart they’d feel if either situation occurred.

Other findings from these researchers suggest that women’s bodies can detect “foreign” semen that differs from their long-term or regular sex partner’s semen. They go on to suggest that this ability to detect foreign ejaculate is an evolved capability that leads to unsuccessful pregnancies because it signals a partner who’s not invested in the relationship and therefore less likely to provide for the offspring.

Really? Does this mean that dickhead Missouri Republican Senate candidate Todd Akin, who said that in cases of “legitimate rape” the female body has ways to “shut that whole thing down” and avoid pregnancy, actually has science on his side? Shoot me now.

But I digress. What piqued my curiosity is what implications does the SUNY study have for us boomer women who are past childbearing age?

Well, as a male sex columnist in Psychology Today reportedly opined about the study: “…this effect [getting happy by absorbing lots of semen] might come in handy for women over age 50 who are experiencing menopausal blues.” Yeah, right. Did he not get the memo about the flagging libido and vaginal atrophy that often accompany menopause?

On the other hand, one might deduce that if the SUNY scientists’ results are accurate—and you’re worried about cognitive impairment as you age—performing fellatio could be the breakthrough that medical science has been searching for.

Frankly, I find it all a little hard to swallow. But as Hubs points out, even if giving blowjobs doesn’t improve a woman’s mood or cognitive abilities, it’s a pretty sure bet that it’ll make her partner happy.

So what do you think? Could a blowjob a day keep the neurologist away?