Trump Previews 3 Point Plan To Obama

trump-1843504_1280“Barry,” Trump said. “It’s Donald.”

“Don’t call me that,” Obama said. “It’s demeaning.  Have you learned nothing from how people react to your disrespect?”

“Yeah. I learned I can say anything and still win by a landslide.”

“Actually, it was Hillary’s landslide.”

No response.

“Donald. Are you still there?” the President asked.

“Sorry babe.  Got distracted by a shiny object.”

“I told you not to call me from the Penthouse.”

Trump whispered into the phone. “Listen. I need your advice. Nobody knows this yet, but I’m introducing a three point plan for America in a couple of weeks.”

“Is this Melania’s new signature Just Count To Three program?” Obama asked.

“No. But I like it. I really like it. This could be huge. Hold on.”

Obama could hear the President-elect screaming across the room. “Melania. How many fingers am I holding up?”

Seconds later Trump was back, telling Obama: “Okay. That’s not gonna work.”

“So what’s the plan, Donald? I’m kind of busy.”

“Here it is in a nutshell. Point One. I’m developing safe residential communities for the poor. Who knows better than you that African Americans can’t walk out of their houses without getting shot?”

“That’s true only in your made up world, Donald. Besides, you have no credibility in the area of housing for the poor. You build houses for rich people. Do you know anything about life in the inner cities?  Where do you plan to do build these communities?”

“Three prime sites: Three Mile Island, Bopal and Chernobyl.”

Profound silence.

“You still there, Barry?”

“Chernobyl?” Obama asked. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. The place they had the Olympics. Who wouldn’t wanna live there?”

“The Olympics were in Grenoble. A small town in the Alps.”

“Why? Because the press says so?”

“Anyway,” said the President. “You’re not in real estate anymore. You’re the President-elect of the United States. You can’t run around the world doing ribbon cutting ceremonies anymore. Let Eric handle the project at Chernobyl.”

“Why, Eric?”

“Because it’s obvious he’s already spent a lot of time in Chernobyl.”

“Hmm. Smart. Hold on a second.”

Trump screams across the room. “Eric, get your skis ready, you’re going to Chernobyl.”

“What’s the second point?” Obama asked.

“Well, I want Melania to have something major to work on. Like Michelle’s garden thing.”

“Her garden thing? That’s absolutely dismissive of the program’s content and Michelle’s dedication to it. But, okay. Let’s hear it. What’s Melania’s passion?”

“I think this project will really show what a big heart she has. A museum honoring supermodels who didn’t make it through the holocaust.”

“I’m…I’m speechless,” the President said.

“I know. Great, right?”

“I’m running late. The third point?”

“Well, I’ve left the best for last. It’s huge. A program to beautify our country’s highways.”

“Don’t want to blow a hole in this for you, but that’s already been done by Lady Bird Johnson.”

“Okay. How about reducing the stigma of alcoholism?”

“Done. Betty Ford.”

“Supporting literacy?”

“Barbara Bush.”


“Laura Bush.”

“Drugs. We could call it Just Say No.

“Nancy Regan. Although I don’t think anyone has used Just Spell No yet.”

“Final idea. I think you’re gonna love it.”

“You have ten seconds.”


“Yes. Ready.”

“A sister city program between Detroit and Aleppo.”

“Goodbye, Donald. We’re done here.”

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