Warning | HumorOutcasts


March 31, 2016

Dear Toilet:

You know how much I hate mopping floors. If you even HINT that you are going to overflow again and flood my bathroom floor and the adjacent hallway, I will not only rip you from the floor and throw you into the basement with the rest of the trash, I will personally load you onto the Sanitation Department truck that will take you to the city dump. I’ll even ride with the Sanitation guys to the dump, to make sure they put you in the dirtiest, smelliest part of it.

You will be replaced with a younger model.

Consider this a warning. Ignore it, and you will be sorry. Obey it and I’ll let you live.

Your owner,



Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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10 Responses to Warning

  1. Bill Y Ledden
    April 1, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    I think you’ve started a movement.

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      April 1, 2016 at 11:15 pm

      Okay. I am going to check this post every day to see what new puns my clever fellow writers come up with!

  2. Peter Fay
    March 31, 2016 at 10:22 pm

    Don’t blame the toilet too much. Pooping in and of itself is a terrible process, and I pray one day that humans will evolve to where their bodies will be able to metabolize everything they ingest without the need to produce waste products.

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      April 1, 2016 at 12:53 am

      It is an inconvenient process, isn’t it?

  3. March 31, 2016 at 1:42 pm

    It’s hard when you really give a crap and the recipient isn’t appropriately grateful. At least you’ve put it on notice…

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      March 31, 2016 at 1:52 pm

      Yes. Whatever happened to good old fashioned manners? My grandmother would never flood the bathroom floor! 😉

  4. March 31, 2016 at 8:57 am

    So hated yet so needed!

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      March 31, 2016 at 1:13 pm

      Sometimes technology rises up and bites us in the butt! 😉

  5. March 31, 2016 at 5:26 am

    So, ironically, you aren’t gonna take no crap from it anymore?

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      March 31, 2016 at 1:34 pm

      It is better to give than to receive!

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