Bigfoot and the Solar Eclipse | HumorOutcasts

Bigfoot and the Solar Eclipse

August 19, 2017

By: Quazie

As we all know, a solar eclipse is heading our way on August 21st.  This is an unusual event in that the solar eclipse will be totally visible within a narrow band across 14 contiguous states spanning from Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, Iowa, Kansas, Nebraska, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, North Carolina, and South Carolina.

While science is celebrating this rare event, some feel the need to hype it even more.  For example, Joshua Stevens, who is a data visualizer and cartographer, has mapped out areas in those 14 states where the eclipse will be seen and overlapped them with areas where Bigfoot has had the most sightings. He has posted his Bigfoot/eclipse map on social media. Although his mapping was done as more a joke than anything else, he has teased the Twitter world and they have responded with enthusiasm, and so Bigfoot groupies are heading out to see if they can find the mysterious creature in the darkness of the eclipse.  I am not a Bigfoot expert or an expert in finding any other elusive creature, but wouldn’t it make more sense to just search in the day time in those areas and not wait for total darkness?

Anyway, this got me thinking.  What other mysterious oddities can we discover when the eclipse darkens our skies?

Aliens – you know that somewhere in those wild states of the west where the eclipse will be visible, aliens have probably put down some roots. Who would even know they were there in those dense forests? But as the eclipse closes in, perhaps they will glow green and we will finally know they live among us.

Loch Ness Monster – If Bigfoot can have his/her own map, why not Nessie? I sometimes feel she gets left behind in the whole “let’s find the monster” reality TV show business.  It can’t be any more difficult sloshing around in a dark, cold lake looking for an old dinosaur than it is stumbling in a pitch-black forest looking for a hairy beast.  And I am sure Nessie has some relatives in the some of those states—you know—where the hundred-proof hooch flows freely out of a still.

Melania Trump – Neither New York or D.C. is in this narrow band but maybe the eclipse is the excuse we need to put out an all- points bulletin on the First Lady? Is anyone else concerned that she has disappeared off the face of the Earth? Maybe if we all wear those special eclipse glasses or perhaps a glow-in-the-dark subpoena, we can find her.

And finally,

The heart of the GOP—It was there once long ago, but it vanished. And supposedly it does live in a number of those states that will experience the eclipse.  Maybe, just maybe, in the cover of darkness, the heart will escape and show us it is there after all.

Sorry, I am a sucker for happy endings.

Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books ( As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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8 Responses to Bigfoot and the Solar Eclipse

  1. August 25, 2017 at 7:38 am

    Well, it’s been a few days since the eclipse, and Melania was seen that day, but I’m afraid your other predictions were off, Donna. Although there was some heart found – in the people who watched and talked about how it brought us all together. That WAS a happy ending of sorts, but I’m hopeful it’s more of a beginning.

  2. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    August 20, 2017 at 8:06 am

    Bon Jovi talent, Don Don’s. I’ve looked deep into the eclipse and travelled back in time and it’s nowhere to be found. You’ve more chance of finding Melania Trump playing Nessie in an Alien’s movie.

    • August 21, 2017 at 7:20 am

      Bill Y, you are so right! We need to definitely add Bon Jovi to that list! Mea Culpa!

  3. Bill Spencer
    August 20, 2017 at 7:19 am

    I don’t think you should give any validation to such outrageous tabloid myths: if there were a GOP heart, we would have seen it by now.

    • August 21, 2017 at 7:20 am

      I keep hoping Bill; I keep hoping!

  4. August 19, 2017 at 5:40 pm

    I think the heart will be found, better late than never.

    As for monsters that might be found during an eclipse, I am wondering what happened to Donald Trump’s brain, if it ever existed at all.

    • August 21, 2017 at 7:20 am

      We shall see soon I think Kathy!

      • August 21, 2017 at 5:12 pm

        Well, I viewed the eclipse today from The Bronx and I didn’t see any evidence of Donald Trump’s brain. I don’t think there is one. 😉

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