Breaking the Record? | HumorOutcasts

Breaking the Record?

February 9, 2017

I was driving along in my car, and I heard this story about a company that will press one’s ashes into a vinyl record( Obviously, they can’t do this until one expires, but how cool is this? I have planned on cremation for myself, but this gives my departure quite the dramatic twist.  So, in case I go and my family is too upset to think about this (chances are that will not be the case), I am putting down in writing what vinyl records would make a great eternal resting place for me.

Two cremation caveats for this plan: First, my family needs to get a record player or else what’s the point of me living in vinyl, and second, someone please make sure they don’t accidentally hock me at the vintage record store for three bucks. I don’t want to spend eternity in the living room of an ex-hippie whose only activities in life are smoking weed and bragging that the Grateful Dead is the best band ever.

Okay, on to my ten top acceptable records:

  1. Donna by Richie Valens – I think this choice is pretty obvious.
  2.  Born to be Wild by Steppenwolf –  I like to think I was born to be wild before I was dead in vinyl.
  3. Dust in the Wind by Kansas – Can’t have a good death experience without this upbeat tune.
  4. How Not to Be Surprised When You’re a Ghost by Charlotte Church – the lyrics of this song  might not really fit but the title is awesome. It sounds like an operations manual for the afterlife.
  5. Good Vibrations  by the Beach Boys.  I like the idea of sending out positive vibes to those left behind.  It’s good karma.
  6. Spirit in the Night by Bruce Springsteen –  Again, title is the key here, but my interpretation:  Your nights are not going to be quiet. I have lots to say and I can be noisy. For all of you who were mean to me, I’m coming back to make your life a lot less pleasant. I think the White House might be my first stop.
  7. Yesterday by the Beatles – some self-deprecating humor here. Let’s face facts–if I am pressed into the vinyl today, I was probably much happier Yesterday.
  8. Witchy Woman by the Eagles – She’s got spunk — I like that, and it has a mysterious air to it.
  9. Get Off of My Cloud by the Rolling Stones– I don’t like to complain, but I am not sharing accommodations in the afterlife.

AND drum roll please:

10.  She’s Gone by Hall & Oates.  Simple but it says it.

Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books ( As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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8 Responses to Breaking the Record?

  1. February 12, 2017 at 4:04 am

    I suppose, in the spirit of irony, I’d want my song to be “Fame”, which features the line “I want to live forever”.

  2. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    February 11, 2017 at 5:43 am

    I think The Shangri-Las – ‘Leader Of The Pack’ would work a treat Don Don’s!

  3. February 9, 2017 at 10:15 pm

    However you end up, Donna, you are not likely to be forgotten.

    Aha! Here is another suggestion:

    “Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole. 😀

    • February 10, 2017 at 8:45 am

      HA HA! Thanks Kathy, but unforgettable can sometimes be an uh-oh expression! 🙂

  4. February 9, 2017 at 2:33 pm

    Great choices. I’d rather be made into a diamond, though. But then, who would get me?

    • February 9, 2017 at 2:47 pm

      I saw that is an option too! Death used to be so simple to do.

  5. Bill Spencer
    February 9, 2017 at 9:16 am

    “Earth Angel”

    (And, Donna, you’re ALREADY groovy.)

    • February 9, 2017 at 9:40 am

      aww, thanks Bill! I was thinking of Devil in the Blue Dress over Earth Angel, but…:)

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