SPARKS BRIEF: Trump Announces “Ties” to China | HumorOutcasts

SPARKS BRIEF: Trump Announces “Ties” to China

January 24, 2017

New York – On President Trump’s first day back at his oval office in Trump Tower, he held a press conference at the 9/11 Memorial.

“I love all first responders. I love you from the bottom of my pancreas which is lower than my heart, so it’s deeper. Also, I want to reflect on 9/11. Sad, horrible, not good!”  Trump told a small group of onlookers from a lectern set-up between the two reflecting pools.

“I’m here to make a special announcement that’s very presidential and important to successful businessmen everywhere – believe me. Donald Trump will begin to sell Trump Super Inaugural Ties from a golden kiosk in the Trump Tower lobby.”

“These ties are Super Huge and they have a very presidential look,” Trump said as Kellyanne Conway held up a selection of very long silk ties.

“The ties are just like the one I wore during my Swearing-In Ceremony on Friday. They cover the Trump treasure area and are Kevlar lined. It’s like having the Secret Service guarding your crotch,” the President advised.

“They will be manufactured in ‘CHINA’ until we are able to get our own silkworms. I am going to make a great deal for silkworms and CHINA will give them to us. Then, after a proper vetting they will be American silkworms,” Trump advised.

“In fact, we are going to wind up with so much silk that you’re going to say, ‘President Trump we don’t need all this silk. Please stop with the silk.’”

“The ties are beautiful. They’re soft and supple to the touch. Just like our First Lady Ivanka…wait..I mean…umm…Melania,” Trump said grabbing his tie.

James McToole, a reporter for the New York Times, asked the President, “What does this have to do with 9/11 and the memorial?”

“Well, at some point part of the profit will go to possibly a foundation or charity, and it might have something to do with 9/11. We haven’t come up with a plan yet. Sean Spicer might talk about it at a press conference. Not sure!” Trump replied.

According to an aide for President Trump, the ties will go on sale in late February and will be the best ties at the best price to ever be manufactured.

“Buy American! Well for right now, Buy American made in China,” the aide said.


Vince G. Sparks

Vince G. Sparks, freelance writer, and avid reader is a genetically creative person with a talent for expressing the written word. Vince has a background in communications, public relations, and journalism. Also, he spent many years in human resources navigating corporate America. He masterminds the blog Sparks Ignites, where he shares his “slice of life” stories and social commentary with insight, humor, and extra-dry wit. He’s been published in the Elephant Journal online magazine, with two articles selected as Editor’s Picks. He is a member of South Jersey Writers Group Board of Trustees. For more and to stay connected visit him on social media and his website

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3 Responses to SPARKS BRIEF: Trump Announces “Ties” to China

  1. January 24, 2017 at 2:40 pm

    I’m worried that I can hear Trump’s voice in your words! I know this is satire but nothing surprises me anymore.

    • Vince Sparks
      January 24, 2017 at 3:40 pm

      Don’t worry they’re just alternative facts.

  2. Sidney
    January 24, 2017 at 12:00 pm

    OMG, Vince. You sound just like him

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