SPARKS BRIEF: Trump Announces “Ties” to China

New York – On President Trump’s first day back at his oval office in Trump Tower, he held a press conference at the 9/11 Memorial.

“I love all first responders. I love you from the bottom of my pancreas which is lower than my heart, so it’s deeper. Also, I want to reflect on 9/11. Sad, horrible, not good!”  Trump told a small group of onlookers from a lectern set-up between the two reflecting pools.

“I’m here to make a special announcement that’s very presidential and important to successful businessmen everywhere – believe me. Donald Trump will begin to sell Trump Super Inaugural Ties from a golden kiosk in the Trump Tower lobby.”

“These ties are Super Huge and they have a very presidential look,” Trump said as Kellyanne Conway held up a selection of very long silk ties.

“The ties are just like the one I wore during my Swearing-In Ceremony on Friday. They cover the Trump treasure area and are Kevlar lined. It’s like having the Secret Service guarding your crotch,” the President advised.

“They will be manufactured in ‘CHINA’ until we are able to get our own silkworms. I am going to make a great deal for silkworms and CHINA will give them to us. Then, after a proper vetting they will be American silkworms,” Trump advised.

“In fact, we are going to wind up with so much silk that you’re going to say, ‘President Trump we don’t need all this silk. Please stop with the silk.’”

“The ties are beautiful. They’re soft and supple to the touch. Just like our First Lady Ivanka…wait..I mean…umm…Melania,” Trump said grabbing his tie.

James McToole, a reporter for the New York Times, asked the President, “What does this have to do with 9/11 and the memorial?”

“Well, at some point part of the profit will go to possibly a foundation or charity, and it might have something to do with 9/11. We haven’t come up with a plan yet. Sean Spicer might talk about it at a press conference. Not sure!” Trump replied.

According to an aide for President Trump, the ties will go on sale in late February and will be the best ties at the best price to ever be manufactured.

“Buy American! Well for right now, Buy American made in China,” the aide said.