I had a brush with death yesterday. He brushed my teeth, which was very nice of him. Told me bad dental hygiene can lead to health problems, and a more permanent visit from him.
“I’m glad this is just a brush with you, Death, and not a more permanent situation.”
“Ya, don’t worry. You’ve got time. This is a way for me to meet my customers. Gauge their attitudes towards me. Keep them on their toes.”
“So what’s it like being Death? Is it rewarding work?”
“It’s too dark. All the time. Try reading when it’s so dark.”
“I see.”
“I wanted to be Life originally. He gets all the girls. Probably my worst day occurs when it’s a life or death situation. Then I have to work closely with Life, and we don’t get along.”
“Do you have any friends?”
“I’m buddies with Taxes. We have a lot in common. I’m also Godfather to his kids, Refund and Audit. Refund is lovely to have around. Then Audit shows up and spoils everything.”
“What’s so funny?”
“They say, humans do, that there are two certainties in life – death and taxes. I haven’t paid my taxes in years. What are they going to do to me? Kill me? It’s amazing how threatening a stroke or heart attack can make a human very agreeable.”
“What are your political views?”
“I’m with the Skeleton Party. It’s an underground movement. Six feet under, to be exact.”
“What’s an ideal date for Death?”
“No such thing. It’s necrophilia all the time.”
“Yikes. Well, I should go. Got some living to do.”
“See you real soon.”
“But you said…”
“Ha, jerking your chain, dude. Enjoy it while you can.