Listen, my children, I’ll tell it again
The tale of the valiant little Red Hen,
But that will be the very last time,
Since Stephanie Wilkinson doesn’t rhyme
With anything, and only slanders
Rhyme with Sarah Huckabee Sanders;
And as for Lexington, Virginia
What a great big coccydynia
It is to find a rhyme for that
That’s not obscure, cliched, or flat.
Don’t rustle candy bags or cough
Remember to turn your cell phones off
Stand for the anthem, cover your heart,
Don’t take a knee. All right, I’ll start.
Some context first: conservatives,
Who care more how each neighbor lives
Than living right themselves, declared
That businesses should be prepared
To quiz their customers to see
If they might be LGBT
Or Q, and then if so then they
Refuse to serve in any way,
And throw that business out the door
To try to hurt the other more.
Republicans will sacrifice
Their values, valuables, and price
By throwing business out the door
Since they think that hurts others more.
So, now, two hundred miles from town
A big-wig family settles down
To try some farm-to-table food
Out where their party won’t get booed
By other bigots if they’re caught
At dinner in some liberal spot.
Cause when you’re real reactionary
You learn you must be very wary
Of what your fellow zealots think
Of where you go to eat and drink
Or else get slagged off as a tourist
Who was once the purest purist
In the cult of fear and hate,
And cast out through the flaming gate.
So many miles away, they prize
Their evening off from prying eyes,
Anticipating they would eat
Just like the liberal elite.
How far they drove before they parked
Went absolutely unremarked;
The irony that they had sought
A respite from their cultish thought
Among the liberals they feared
Was passed by like it wasn’t weird.
And then, of course, the Red Hen’s crew
Was partly LGBTQ,
And didn’t want to use their skill
To serve those who so wished them ill.
The honesty of farm-to-table,
Transparency on every label
Or menu item, was up against
The lies that Huckabee dispensed;
She spread her lies and fear and hate
Believing it made America great.
A situation past retrieving
Resulted in the party leaving.
Not because she’s in a cult,
But rather since as an adult
Who has a choice, she’s told her lies
And spread her hate it’s no surprise
That what she does could not be fixed;
Her conduct got her eighty-sixed.
Funny and sad.