Who Needs an Invisibility Cloak? | HumorOutcasts

Who Needs an Invisibility Cloak?

February 23, 2018
By

We had a spring break here in the Northeast this week. Two days in the middle of the week went to 75 degrees. Just three days before, we were blanketed with five inches of snow. In case you missed it, or for those of you who love watching me be ridiculous:

https://youtu.be/ZG0-T_RZ3yA

But like I said, three days later,  we were wearing shorts, flip-flops, and sleeveless tops.  It was crazy. And this brings more angst than one would imagine. I had a pretty important business meeting on the second day of spring fever. It took me hours to find clothing for this meeting. Have you ever had that problem? It wasn’t just that I wanted to look nice, but this weather phenomenon was my own personal global warming nightmare.

First, like Gus, the second most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania, I don’t need to keep svelte for a February performance like Punxsutawney Phil. I kind of layer up for warmth in the winter, if you know what I mean. And I don’t mean clothing…I mean I’m part black bear and add a layer of warming fat to my bones….strictly for hibernation purposes.

What this means in the emergency situation of a February heat wave is that well, none of my pants fit. At least none of the pants that are made for warm weather. Which would be okay, I’ve been here before and can usually rectify that by Easter (as long as it doesn’t come too early, Lent is the great equalizer. Thank you, Jesus.)

In the alternative, I think  I’ll wear a dress or a skirt. But lo and behold, my toenails look like a cross between Wolverine’s talons and a forgotten jar of mustard in the back of the fridge. I try not to have pedicures during the winter to give my toenails a break from the lacquer.  It does make a difference, for the health of my toenails. Covered in UGGS, socks, slippers and even fashionable boots all winter long makes for healthy feet. But not pretty feet.

Where’s the pedicure?!?

Why that matters is because I don’t have summer shoes where your toes are hidden. So now I’m pantsless and shoeless or sweltering hot in sweaters and wool trousers pretending I’m having hot flashes for a whole meeting. Perhaps there is an upside to menopause.

WHAT DO I DO?

I realize that no one is looking at me.

How the hell did I forget that middle-aged women are invisible? This would make me quite angry at any other time. I’m a ‘look-at-me’ kind of gal. For this one day, I’m embracing my invisibility and wearing shoes with my un-pedicured toes sticking out.

The New Me!

 

I’d show you a picture, but I’m invisible. So there, Harry Potter.

For more of my humor go here

Cathy is the author of Showering with Nana: Confessions of a Serial Caregiver  and

Who Moved My Teeth?

 

cathy sikorski

After more than 25 years of caregiving and Elder Law, Cathy writes about the comedy of caregiving in her blog; "You just have to Laugh..."She is the author of "Showering with Nana: Confessions of a Serial (killer) Caregiver" published by HumorOutcasts Press in 2015.

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9 Responses to Who Needs an Invisibility Cloak?

  1. February 26, 2018 at 1:28 pm

    oh I’m sorry but I had to make sure that video was right here on the site! That’s what publishers do.

    • February 27, 2018 at 6:32 pm

      Hahha…I’m on to you…You love how ridiculous this is!

  2. Bill Spencer
    February 25, 2018 at 9:45 am

    You claim to be invisible, but I just don’t see it.

    • February 27, 2018 at 6:31 pm

      You are the best, Bill Spencer…just the best.

  3. Bill Y "The Legendary Legend" Ledden
    February 25, 2018 at 5:33 am

    Jill Y tells me that getting drunk will fix most of this and Thirsty Dave agrees!

    • February 27, 2018 at 6:31 pm

      Apparently you were drunk typing, Bill Y

  4. Bill Y "The Legendary Legend" Ledden
    February 25, 2018 at 5:31 am

    Jill Y tells me that getting drunk will fix most of this and Thirsty Dave agrees!

    • February 27, 2018 at 6:30 pm

      I’m in…of course, I may have already been drunk..to be determined…

  5. February 23, 2018 at 4:08 pm

    Ha! Pretty please would you show me how to be MORE invisible too! More of course because women over fifty are already fairly invisible. I think maybe we do see each other. For the sake of your girlfriends…no pedicure? OMG! Will they ever speak to you again?

    This could actually be great for you. You can find out who your REAL friends are. Those who remain even post your fashion faux pas!



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