Why Books Are The Best Christmas Gifts

This would seem a good time to remind you that books are the best Christmas gifts. Yes, even for non-readers: In fact, books owned by people who don’t read are not only great re-gifts, but when not re-gifted they’re the books in the best condition. No dog-ears, no food stains, no bent pages … pristine. Two hundred years from now, you can resell those books for enough money to make up for inflation, if you should happen to still be alive.

In addition to that, books:

Never talk about politics unless you want them to.

Can be effective weapons for self defense, especially if written by George R.R. Martin.

Make bookcases more useful. In bookcases used for a figurine collection, a few books between the ceramic angels can keep you from having to rename your furniture.

Can be hollowed out to hide contraband and/or listening devices.

Require no batteries, unless they house listening devices.

Almost never rot your brain … depending on the book.

Don’t have to be read in a crowded book theater; there’s no guy sitting right in front of you yakking into his cell phone, unless you have kids. Send the kids to the movies.

Never go offline during power outages, assuming you have backup lighting. If you don’t have backup lighting, are you really smart enough to read?

Support local authors. Well, support local authors if the authors live near you. But they’re local for someone, aren’t they? Even Anne Rice lives somewhere. I assume.

This is Glinda the Good, reading Game of Thrones. And so the clash of universes is complete.


You could even use books as mouse traps and fly swatters, but I wouldn’t recommend it. That’s how I lost most of my ceramic angel collection.

No, just use them for reading. I’ll bet you could even find some good books at … HumorOutcast Press.

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5 thoughts on “Why Books Are The Best Christmas Gifts”

  1. The Legend is not too good at reading between the lines but I’m guessing you like books.

  2. You provide a compelling argument about why books are the best Christmas presents. I actually caught a fly in my book a few minutes ago when I was reading. I don’t know which amazed me more – that I trapped the fly or that on a frigid winter day there was a fly buzzing around my book!

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