Sinus Sickness Sucks, or: Noxious Nose Needs Neti | HumorOutcasts

Sinus Sickness Sucks, or: Noxious Nose Needs Neti

February 19, 2019
By

So I recently got my annual sinus infection, which is kind of like that annoying relative who shows up once a year, gives you a headache, and doesn’t seem all that eager to leave, and I’m not talking about you, Uncle Sid.

(I totally am. Don’t tell.)

My sinus infections are kind of like Godzilla tromping around in my Tokyo head, causing chaos, completely impervious to over the counter tanks and rockets. Only a Mothra-sized dose of antibiotics can drive it out, and … well, you Japanese monster movie fans, you get it.

Mothra is a giant moth. I really shouldn’t need to explain this.

But this time I decided to try something a little different. Since sinus infections can be cause by either bacteria or a virus, I figured there was a good chance antibiotics wouldn’t work. Since the antibiotics themselves make me feel crappy, why not just treat myself? It’s not quite the same as treating myself to chocolate, but what is?

I used hot compresses, which was nice because it’s winter, and something called a neti pot, which is never nice, ever, in any season, under any circumstances. The proper name is sinus irrigation, which sounds so much nicer than it is.

I took extra vitamin C, tried to sleep more and sometimes succeeded, increased my fluid intake, and increased my waking-up-for-fluid-outflow, which seemed to defeat the sleeping thing. There was also the need to humidify the house, which is hard to do during winter. This was accomplished by sending the dog out to do his thing whenever it snowed, which this year has been often, then letting him shake all over the living room. It resulted in a nicely humid house that smelled like wet dog, but luckily I’d lost my sense of smell, so only my wife had to suffer. And she was already suffering, anyway.

 

I had sinus surgery years ago, after which the dog nursed me back to health. The health part was temporary.

 

The result? Instead of suffering for two weeks and then calling the doctor, I suffered for two months and then called the doctor. I’m nothing if not stubburn, except for when I’m nothing if not stupid.

After an examination my doctor said, “It’s like your head is Tokyo, and Godzilla is tromping around in it”. She gets me.

So now I’m taking the antibiotics, and they make me feel awful, and pretty much nothing changed from the last fourteen times. As we speak my main goal is to keep a proverbial stiff upper lip and not make everyone else suffer with me.

It turns out allergies are a common contributor to sinus infections, so it seems to be all in my genes. Thanks, Dad. My advice is this: If you get sick, just go to the doctor.

If nothing else, maybe you won’t have to use a neti pot as much.

My neti pot is not an actual pot, but that doesn’t make it any more fun.

Mark R Hunter

Mark R Hunter is the author of three romantic comedies: Radio Red, Storm Chaser, and its sequel, The Notorious Ian Grant, as well as a related story collection, Storm Chaser Shorts. He also wrote a young adult adventure, The No-Campfire Girls, and a humor collection, Slightly Off the Mark. In addition, he collaborated with his wife, Emily, on the history books Images of America: Albion and Noble County, Smoky Days and Sleepless Nights: A Century or So With The Albion Fire Department, and Hoosier Hysterical. Mark’s work also appeared in the anthologies My Funny Valentine and Strange Portals: Ink Slingers’ Fantasy/Horror Anthology. For two decades Mark R Hunter has been an emergency dispatcher for the Noble County Sheriff Department. He’s served over 32 years as a volunteer for the Albion Fire Department, holding such positions as safety officer, training officer, secretary, and public information officer. He also has done public relations writing for the Noble County Relay For Life, among other organizations, and served two terms on the Albion Town Council. When asked if he has any free time, he laughs hysterically. Mark lives in Albion, Indiana, with his wife and editor Emily, a cowardly ball python named Lucius, and a loving, scary dog named Beowulf. He has two daughters and twin grandsons, and so naturally is considering writing a children’s book.

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6 Responses to Sinus Sickness Sucks, or: Noxious Nose Needs Neti

  1. Bill Spencer
    February 25, 2019 at 7:57 am

    Sounds like you had your nose all figured out, and then you blew it.

    • February 26, 2019 at 1:42 am

      You’re s’not wrong.

  2. Bill Y "The Legendary Legend" Ledden
    February 24, 2019 at 10:48 am

    When I suffer, everyone around me suffers too. This usually makes those around me, look after me because they want to look after themselves. This world constantly amazes me.

    • February 25, 2019 at 3:55 am

      Hm. When I suffer, I usually try to keep others from having to suffer with me (putting on a happy face, and such). Thanks to you, I realize now that I’ve been doing it wrong.

  3. February 20, 2019 at 7:53 am

    suddenly, sinus infections are snot so fun!

    • February 20, 2019 at 11:49 pm

      You got that on the nose!



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