In an Executive Order, President Donald Trump has directed the Supreme Court to determine whether Tampa Bay Manager Kevin Cash violated the U. S. Constitution when he pulled starting pitcher Blake Snell in the 6th inning of Game 6 of this year’s World Series.
The President, a rabid Rays fan who established Florida residency in 2019, maintains that Cash “had no right to do what he did. Where is it written in the Constitution that a pitcher can be yanked from a game just because someone’s ANALYTICS recommends it? That’s bulls**t! I’m sure our new Justice, Amy Coney Barrett, will agree with me on this.
“Also, at the request of Senator Mitch McConnell, I want the Court to order the Rays to go back to their original nickname, the Devil Rays, which they abandoned after the 2007 season. Mitch is a good friend of mine, and his great-granddaddy Bureaguard was an actual devil ray, of the genus Mobula. This would mean a lot to the extended McConnell family.”
When contacted by reporters, Judge Barrett declined to discuss how she would rule on these issues, but did note that she was not aware of a “super precedent” that gave managers an absolute right to remove pitchers during a game.
The President claims that a favorable decision on this case would mean that the final score of Game 6 would be Rays 1, Dodgers 0. “Melania, Barron, and I are looking forward to sitting down soon in front of the TV at Mar-a-Lago and watching Game 7, using our monogrammed family straws to take turns sipping from a shared Trump Tub of melted popcorn butter.”