Supreme Court Session Erupts After NCAA Announces Plans to Invade Poland

Oral arguments concerning compensation limits for college athletes came to an abrupt halt at the Supreme Court on Wednesday, following the disclosure by NCAA lawyer Seth Waxman that the sports behemoth intends to invade Poland and the rest of the European Union in June. 

Waxman loudly proclaimed that “neither the Supreme Court, nor any other power on earth, can prevent the National Collegiate Athletic Association from fulfilling its destiny.  We will crush anyone or anything that attempts to stand in our way.  And that includes you, Great Britain.  Boris Johnson, you’re no Winston Churchill, but even if you were, you could not extinguish the all-consuming inferno of never-ending March Madness.  Your future holds nothing but flames, ash, and rubble.  We will vanquish all national boundaries in the name of SUPREME BRACKETOLOGY, God’s Master Plan for the Human Race!”

All of the Justices reacted with horror to Waxman’s spittle-spewing tirade, except for Brett Kavanaugh, who simply exclaimed, “AWESOME!”

Share this Post:

One thought on “Supreme Court Session Erupts After NCAA Announces Plans to Invade Poland”

Comments are closed.