Buttermilk Ranch Dressing and He-Man Sophocles

American Appetizer

BUTTERMILK RANCH DRESSING

INGREDIENTS – MIX

1 cup buttermilk powder
2½ teaspoons dill weed
4 teaspoons garlic powder
1 tablespoon onion flakes
4 teaspoons onion powder
6 tablespoons parsley
2 teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – DRESSING

½ cup mayonnaise
⅔ cup milk
½ cup sour cream

SPECIAL UTENSIL

mason jar or other airtight jar

Makes 1⅔ cups mix. Takes 5 minutes, Mix keeps for about 6 months.
Makes 14 cups dressing (1⅔ cups at a time.) Dressing keeps for up to a week in refrigerator.

PREPARATION – MIX

Aid all mix ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Transfer to mason jar.

PREPARATION – DRESSING

Add 3 tablespoons from above mix and all dressing ingredients to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until well blended. Transfer to mason jar. Refrigerate for 30 minutes before serving.

TIDBITS

1) Cowboys herd cows. Playwrights write about cows. See Shakespeare’s lost classic, “Two Cows of Padua.” Buttermilkboys, however, herd buttermilk cows. Buttermilk cows give buttermilk.

2) Shakespeare is one of the very few to have made a living from writing. Indeed, even he had to take on a second job as a cow righter to make ends. A cow righter is a farm hand whose job is to right the cows that have been tipped over by hooligans during the night. You have to be quite strong to push up a tipped-over cow. Shakespeare was quite buff. A list of history’s top muscular cow-righting/playwrights also includes: Sophocles, Henrik Ibsen, Oscar Wilde, and Neil Simon.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef