“I disgust myself,” House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy confessed yesterday in a press conference. “I told a bald-faced lie to the American people last year about what I had said in a phone call concerning Donald Trump. But I don’t think I should step down from my leadership position in the House of Representatives. I didn’t disembowel or kill anyone. OK, I did try to hit Kamala Harris with my car a few weeks ago as she crossed Pennsylvania Avenue, but I missed her. No harm, no foul.
“I admit that there may be something wrong with me. In 1975 Vladimir Putin taught a class on how to strangle kittens when he was a counselor at Smoking Rubble Youth Camp in the Poconos, and Rand Paul and I were the only kids who seemed to enjoy it.”