Covid’s Greatest Hits

In a surprise move, the Australian Tennis Open has made the tennis courts the size of Novak Djokovic’s ego, rendering the game much easier to play. Children of all ages, including Novak, are invited to participate. Whoever can actually knock the ball out of the continent-sized court, wins.

Someone told me they were Covid negative and I said, “Stop being so negative.”

I don’t believe in statistics because 9 out of 10 times they’re wrong.

After being told at Xmas not to trust rapid tests, naturally the government is now distributing millions of them, just in time to be too late. When election time comes, feel free to grab your government by the rapid testes and squeeze.

No, I’m not having KFC tonight because I like disgustingly greasy fried chicken. I read on the Internet that it kills Covid. Makes sense. Kills Fucking Covid.

Went to buy some chains – but the damn supply chain.

Facebook is full of Covid misinformation, so I’m deFacing myself.

It’s official – more people have the Omicron variant than have some variant of a doodle dog.

Went all out this Christmas. Money was no object. Bought people some food.

Year two of Covid and I’m still playing Call of Duty. Funny how games are always about killing people. Never about helping people. Couldn’t find Call of Duty: Family Doctor. Little Billy has a fever and runny nose. You have 5 minutes to diagnose him or lose your licence.

With so much time on my hands, there was a micro-second there when I understood what cryptocurrency is. Now it’s gone.

Society is on the brink. Even worse, Brinks Security Company is on the brink.

When we develop a vaccine for Covid, we get vaccinated. When we developed a vaccine for Polio and Measles, we got immunized. Way back we inoculated people against Cholera. Too many words for the average person. Let’s call it stayin’ alive.

I bet if the vaccine were delivered through wifi, everyone would get it.

Being inside with large groups is dangerous so people are paying money to go forest bathing. I use to do that, when it was called going outside.

Please wear a mask while reading this. It might go viral.

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