“I’m melting, I’m melting!!!” These were the last words Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett uttered as she burst into flames during a press conference on Friday afternoon.
Justice Barrett had just confessed that she had lied during her 2020 confirmation hearing when she claimed that “Roe is not a super precedent….but that does not mean that Roe should be overturned.”
Barrett noted yesterday that what she SHOULD have said was, “‘Roe is not a super precedent, AND I strongly believe it should be overturned.’ But I didn’t say that because I really, really wanted to become a Supreme Court Justice. My bad.”
It was at this moment that her judicial robe began to crackle and emit an acrid smoke. Seconds later Barrett was at the center of a conflagration, a rare instance of spontaneous combustion caught on camera (Google “Barrett BBQ Video” on YouTube).
She leaves behind 7 children, 3 of whom will miss her. “Let’s face it, our mom had issues,” observed one child who wished to remain anonymous. “At home we used to call her ‘The Smiling Viper’. That pretty much says it all.”