In Part 2 of “The Truth Ain’t Out There,” Budleigh the Terrier continues his professional advice from a licensed dog on whether Canines believe in UFOs … or UFOs believe in Canines.
Investigators were unable to explain more than 140 cases of Unidentified Flying Objects (acronym: “UFO”) or Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (acronym: also “UFO”). Yet many encounters were reported by Naval aviators who have excellent vision, although a sadly inferior sense of smell.
While the report has created a stir among Giants, in dog parks across the nation Canines are abuzz with speculative concern:
GERMAN SCHNAUZER: “Look! I’m just saying that if they’re not aliens and they’re not foreign military, how do we know they’re not squirrels?”
PUG: “Squirrels climb trees. They can’t fly. Can they?”
GERMAN SCHNAUZER: “Who knows what they’re doing up there!”
CHOCOLATE LABRADOR: “I’ve heard they store stuff. And that they’re nuts!”
PUG: “No, no, no! They store … nuts! That’s all one thing.”
BERNESE MOUNTAIN DOG: “You know where I’d store ‘em? Caves! Say, guess where you find caves!”
PUG: “We are not going there!”
BERNESE MOUNTAIN DOG: (Snarling) “Your face is squished! And your coat is rough! Everybody says so.”
BUDLEIGH: “Stay focused, everyone. We’re discussing UFOs. Has anyone actually seen one?”
Much head turning and ear scratching. Bernese Mountain Dog leaps to feet.
BUDLEIGH: “—that wasn’t in a cave?”
Bernese Mountain Dog lies down, dejected.
BUDLEIGH: “C’mon, guys! Any sightings of the weird? The inexplicable? The eerie?”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “Well … there was that van that took Roxy the Boxer.”
PUG: “Who?”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “Before your time. Roxy had … issues.”
PIT BULL: “Society had the issues!”
PUG: “What sort of issues?”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “He could be … argumentative.”
PUG: “With dogs?”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “Dogs, yes … yes…”
CHOCOLATE LAB: “—and Giants!”
STANDARD POODLE: “—also children!”
YORKSHIRE TERRIER: “—ice cream truck drivers!”
YELLOW LAB: “—anyone wearing yellow.”
DALMATIAN: “Or patterns.”
SHAR-PEI: “—wrinkles.”
ROTTWEILER: “—loud, piercing sounds and flashing lights.”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “One day, Roxy got in a disagreement with some schoolchildren. Actually, a busload of children.”
BEAGLE: “—then a firefighter.”
DALMATIAN: “—and several police officers.”
YORKSHIRE TERRIER: “—from surrounding towns.”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “That’s when a strange, featureless van appeared. And Roxy was mysteriously transported inside.”
ROTTWEILER: “More like forced. With ropes.”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “Then the doors closed, and the vehicle zoomed away silently into the darkness.”
PIT BULL: “Well, except for the loud, piercing siren and flashing lights.”
ROTTWEILER “Yikes! Roxy wouldn’t have liked that!”
PUG: “Where did Roxy go?”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “Probably back to his home world.”
ROTTWEILER: “Or to a really, really nice farm!”
Sleeping Between Giants Book 2: Ask a Terrier: Professional Advice from a Licensed Dog
Website: http://sleepingbetweengiants.com/
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Dave Jaffe on HumorOutcasts.com