How to Swear in French

Hi, gentle readers, people often ask me, “How I do I say, ‘Go feck yourself’ in French?

As always, I’m happy to address my readers’ concerns. Also, I’ve just come from an appointment for an MRI. Even though I’d booked the appointment a week ago online, the receptionists said they had no such appointment. I could, however, schedule an appointment for September 21. Unfortunately, my regularly scheduled appointment with my primary doctor is on September 16.

So this.

Just to remind you, just as Americans say, “Sleep with” instead of “I fecked,” the French use “Baiser,” or “to kiss” as their euphemism.

OK, tell the offending Frenchmen, “Allez baiser une vache.”

This is the polite way to tell him to feck a cow. However if you wish to be insulting,  substitute the formal conjugation of “go” or “allez” with the informal “vas.” Use of the informal conjugation is reserved for listeners who are young kids, married folks, or your palpable inferiors.

So, if you aim to insult the French clod, say, “Vas baiser une vache.”

I hope this helps enhance your French vactions.”

À toute à l’heure.