CHRIS’ phone buzzes. He removes it from his pocket to answer.
CHRIS
Hello?
CALLER (V.O.)
Mr. Manson?
CHRIS
Yes, who’s calling, please?
CALLER (V.O.)
This is Mr. Lunch, the Chief Financial
Officer of Crown Royal Fine DeLuxe
Canadian Whiskey. I’m calling to see
if there is anything I can do to get
you to start drinking again.
CHRIS
Uh, listen, Mister…
LUNCH (V.O.)
Lunch.
CHRIS
Mr. Lunch, I’ve been sober for
exactly twenty-two days.
LUNCH (V.O.)
Congratulations! Shall I send over
a complimentary case of Crown Royal
Fine DeLuxe Canadian Whiskey to
commemorate this wonderful milestone?
CHRIS
Absolutely not. Alcohol – specifically,
your admittedly delicious product –
nearly derailed me, and I’ve got a DUI
charge to show for it. Along with at
least a decade of other bad decisions.
LUNCH (V.O.)
Sir, I don’t think you understand.
My company is on the verge of
bankruptcy because we lost our best
customer. You.
CHRIS
Mr. Lunch, I can empathize with your
dilemma here, but I will NEVER take a
drink again. But if there’s something
else I can do to help you, fire away.
I live to serve others.
LUNCH (V.O.)
Would you be willing to promote our
products on your social media
platforms? I see that you have dozens
of followers on the TikTok and the
Instagram. Of course, you will be well
compensated for your efforts.
CHRIS
Oh, you mean something like – “I can’t
drink any more, because I am a grateful
recovering alcoholic. But, hey, all you
folks that can drink ‘normal,’ why not
enjoy a delicious glass or two of Crown
Royal Fine DeLuxe Canadian Whiskey? Now
available in apple and peach flavors.”
LUNCH (V.O.)
We have blackberry now, too.
CHRIS
Look, Mr. Lunch, it’s late and I have
to g—
I’m sorry, did you say blackberry?
The Calling
