Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about Bad Bunny in the Super Bowl halftime show, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Bad Bunny to perform at Super Bowl halftime show causing an uproar
Remember, people, the only way to stop a Bad Bunny is with a Good Bunny.
Katie Holmes ‘disappointed’ Joshua Jackson is stepping out with other women
Really? 1998 called and wants its headlines back.
‘Woodstock of Yacht Rock’ in peril as Christopher Cross, Kenny Loggins drop out of Sunset Fest Cabo
Although, you can catch most of it in an elevator near you.
Trump makes numerous false claims to generals and admirals, some about the military
Face it, if every time Trump lied and you drank a shot, you, too, could be Secretary of Defense.
75% of Mobile phone users text while in the bathroom
Here’s hoping the other 25% don’t Zoom.
Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs sentenced to more than 4 years in prison
Damn that’s like 28 in Snoop Dogg years.
DWTS champ arrested in Dallas, lawyer speaks out
Who’s says people who’ve appeared on DWTS afterwards can’t get themselves arrested?
Jack Daniel’s cuts off free cattle feed to Tennessee farmers after 45 years
That’s a bunch of bull.
Trump announces tariffs kitchen, bathroom vanities, and upholstered furniture
… Or, as JD Vance calls it, “Tinder.”
There’s allegedly “Total Chaos” behind-the-scenes at ‘Wheel of Fortune’
Dad joke warning: So, it sounds like things are spinning out of control.
Sydney Sweeney humiliated Scooter Braun by ‘grinding’ on Glen Powell at her birthday bash
New ad campaign: When you got those good genes, everyone wants to get in your jeans.
King Charles slapped with $43K bill for Prince Andrew’s ‘live-in yogi’
Now that’s a Boo-Boo.
No jobs report leaves Fed flying blind
Apparently, the White House put the jobs report with Epstein files.