Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that Jimmy Fallon celebrates his birthday, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Jimmy Fallon celebrates birthday, now 51
If anyone knows what it’s like to suddenly feel all alone in the middle of the night, it’s Fallon.
Nurse who snapped photo of patient’s penis surrenders license
So, where’d they discover it? In her junk mail?
Nick Cannon blames ex-wife Mariah Carey for his 12 kids
Really, Nick, last time I checked you were the Cannon not shooting blanks.
Trump snaps at Ted Cruz’s shock warning about free speech
In fairness, the only free speech Trump likes is making fun of Ted Cruz’s wife’s looks.
The world’s most expensive hot dog
Haven’t they done enough stories on Ant Edwards?
Black Lab in Seattle takes bus to park by herself
And, thanks to Rosa Parks, he can sit anywhere he likes.
Snoop Dogg says ‘my bad’ for comments about gay couple in Pixar’s ‘Lightyear’
Good thing for Snoop, anytime someone says what were you high? The answer is yes.
Kilmar Abrego Garcia expects to be detained by ICE again, attorney says
Could be worse, it could be by Vanilla Ice.
California swinger hotel with sex maze for sale, signaling dying era in Palm Springs
And the emergence of Hairy Palms Springs.
Why Kate Middleton didn’t curtsy to King Charles and Queen Camilla at Trump state visit welcome
… Hunch is she was measuring the curtains.
Republicans bash Florida’s anti-vaccine stand
While Disneyworld sets to open a ‘It’s a Smallpox Outbreak After All, After all’ ride.
Alec Baldwin has reportedly been a “nightmare” about Hilaria’s ’Dancing With the Stars’ debut
So, after the gun thing, I see he’s back to his old self.
Prince William blindsided after King Charles froze him out over Prince Harry reunion, says insider
… On an all new ‘Royal Family Feud.’
Ghost ship missing for nearly 140 years found in Lake Michigan
… No word if they found the Professor and Maryann.