On Tuesday afternoon, viewers were in the middle of a SpongeBob SquarePants episode on the Nickelodeon Channel when they found themselves watching a live feed of tense negotiations taking place in Saudi Arabia between Russian and Ukrainian diplomats.
“It was pretty boring,” said 7-year-old Timmy Weldon of Topeka, Kansas. “There was a lot of yelling and pointing, but I couldn’t understand anything they were saying.”
The accidental broadcast was traced to a DOGE employee who was in the Riyadh conference room recording the session for a 2028 presidential campaign ad on behalf of Donald Trump. The employee hit the wrong button and ended up accessing his cable subscription. He was later disciplined through “terminal strangulation” by Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth.
“And I did it with just one hand, while holding a Coors Light in the other one,” bragged Hegseth.
In a related story, an 83-year-old retiree in Sarasota, Florida was provided with the nation’s nuclear codes when he logged in to his Social Security account last week. DOGE reports that there is now a large hole where Ecuador used to be.