The New Normal

There seems to be a New Normal emerging for people who want to run for President. It used to be that a presidential contender had to write a book. Six months before the election you’d see titles like My Great-Great Grandfather Worked In A Sawmill, So I’m Just Like You or I Love America So Much I Went Gettysburg And Shot Myself In The Leg.

But this is now changing. CNN is making a documentary about Hillary Clinton, while NBC is reportedly planning a mini-series based on her life. The article I read I didn’t mention a name for the miniseries, but my bet is that they’ll go with The Arkansas HillaryBillys.

This changes everything for the GOP hopefuls. They now need to up their game and get some sort of film/documentary/video made. I predict we’ll see the following:

Building on the popularity of this photo, Paul Ryan will release a series of workout videos titled Dude, Just Chill. Ryan will be gunning for the VP spot. So this is a wise choice – when the GOP presidential candidate starts tanking, Ryan can drop a bar full of weights on his chest and beg out of the race due to multiple fractured ribs.

Rick Perry will film a corndog eating contest at a state fair and release it as a short film titled Biting Off Way More Than I Can Chew.  Perry will attempt to out-man other GOP hopefuls by eating more dogs than all the other GOP contestants combined. This is not a wise idea – Chris Christie will put Perry to shame.

Borrowing from the popularity of the show Man Vs Wild, Rand Paul will parachute into an American wilderness area. His only article of clothing will be a shoulder-mounted anti-aircraft gun. His month-long miniseries will be titled Man Vs Drone. This is very, very wise – Paul will cinch the support of both gun nuts and nudists. And if the bear doesn’t get him (stand your ground!), he’ll be our next President.

Guaranteed.