4 y.o: Why do the Ninja Turtles have a fat head like you? Me: I don’t have a fat head. 4: Me: 4: Why don’t you know you have a fat head?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2014
Of course it’s possible for men and women to be friends without it getting sexual. My wife is my best friend and she never wants to fuck me
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2014
It’s weird how when I see a website button that says, “Start slideshow,” I read it as “Close this window and never visit this site again.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2014
4-year-old: What are those weird things on the potato? Me: They’re called eyes. 4: I don’t like it when the potato watches us.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2014
Buying a costume for your pet is the cutest way to let the world know you’re sad and alone.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 3/26/14: pic.twitter.com/vf7tiJBSXf
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) September 11, 2014