Winter Fashion Secrets

Some days it’s hard to resist commenting on Madam’s wintertime wardrobe. Not that a possum- lined, earflap hat doesn’t offer stylish protection against the elements. It does just that. Nonetheless, an earflap hat strikes me as more Ole and Lena and less Ralph Lauren.

This winter fashion business came to my attention when Madam and I arrived at her friends Nettie’s Wisconsin dairy farm. We came to supervise her lovely mares and all manner of pets and plants for a week. The family was looking forward to a well-deserved break on a Florida beach.

Our first tour around the farm produced a good deal of galloping on the part of startled livestock. No doubt it was Madam’s polar fleece facemask with the crocheted nose warmer that sent the young heifers careening into the woods. Apparently dairy cattle are unacquainted with such refined urban face protection.

Anyhoo, each day the horses and cattle have encountered some startling new facet of Madam’s wardrobe. First it was the orange coveralls. Next came 1965 lime green snowmobile suit. Yesterday, when she arrived at the barn to feed the mares, the entire herd stampeded out the stall doors, past the calving barn and down the lane. They didn’t return until Madam was safely behind the wheel of her trusty gator (a golf cart on steroids) and off to chat with the barn cats.

Now it isn’t that Madam is an urban princess with no grasp of rural life. In fact, she’s fairly adept at operating basic equipment and keeping the pipes from freezing. What I’ve noticed, however, is she embraces these same winter fashion trends at home – in the city. Her idea of a Minnesota dinner date begins with Patagonia base layer long underwear. If the date requires a more glamorous treatment, she might slip into a pair of Ugg boots and a set of Sabretooth Ice Crampons. Chopper’s mitts take precedence over attractive gloves. Incidentally, none of these fashion accessories inspires second dates.

So, today when we set out for our morning farm chores, I suggested to Madam that she might want do ditch the snow goggles and tangerine infinity scarf. It seemed like a helpful hint shared with a friend. She agreed. No surprise that the mares greeted us with friendly nickers and cheery hellos.

Now if only I can get her to give up shopping at Macy’s in her coveralls. With a few fashion tweaks, she might even finagle another dinner date.