The Infernal Verities | HumorOutcasts

The Infernal Verities

December 11, 2017






I know what the facts are, only I know all the facts.
I make bold pronouncements — and see how my base reacts?
It doesn’t matter whether what I say is right or truthful;
I make up as I go along what I feel will be useful.

Accused of sexual misconduct? “All the women are lying!”
Playing footsie with the Russians? “Comey’s overdue for firing!”
Tax breaks for the middle class? “Bad for me — believe it!”
Check made out to charity? “Very soon they will receive it.”

Truth is an elusive thing — for everybody else.
But everything that I say is quite honest and top-shelf.
Don’t listen to the media, they’re all corrupt and broken.
But everything is great and beautiful once I have spoken.

Trade deficit with Canada? “Trudeau’s bad at math!”
Neo-Nazis in Virginia? “Both sides caused bloodbath!”
Tensions in the Middle East? “Move our embassy to Jerusalem!”
Senators think I’m unstable? “Watch how I let loose on ’em!”

The (hashtag) FAKENEWS media has kept a running count
Of what they call my “lies.”  They claim a staggering amount
Of what I’ve said is “Pants On Fire!” — worth “4 Pinocchios.”
They’re our enemies, America. You know where I hope they go.

I’m bigger and I’m better than most any Prez before me.
Never mind that almost 2/3rds of the populace abhor me.
You’re either with me or against, and my way’s never wrong.
But truth is: fail to pass this tax bill — might be my swan song.

John Branning

John Branning is a humorist whose writings have left literally millions of readers with no idea who he is. But for those who have managed to stumble upon his self-deprecating and hubristically-inclined writing, he's left them in stitches. And in this context, “in stitches” is considered to be an enjoyable experience versus something painful resulting from a visit to the emergency room. His newest book, "Keys To The Truculent Me," is available on Amazon as is his first book, "Selfie-Facing," which was recognized by The Huffington Post as one of “The Best Self-Published Books of 2016.” You can find more of his posts, where he uses all the vowels and most of the consonants on his keyboard, at

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