On Friday, my midget friend Roger and I were loafing around, playing pinball down at the trailer park office. Out of the blue, a huge motor coach came rolling into the park. I had never seen one of that size before. I remarked to Roger how the owner must own Fort Knox, when to my surprise Dolly Parton exited the high-class motor home.
Roger quickly pointed out the office window at Dolly and said, “Look at those!”
I said, “What? You never seen Dolly Parton before?”
Roger said, “Not those! I’m talking about her small feet. I don’t know how they can support her; they look so out of proportion?”
I said, “Oh that’s nature’s way.”
Roger said, “What do you mean?”
I answered, “Things never grow well in the shade.”
Dolly registered at the front desk. We had never had a celebrity in our dumpy little park before. It seems that there was a mechanical problem with her motor coach and she needed to layover until parts arrived at the garage in town.
The clerk at the front desk asked me if I would mind showing Miss Parton to her spot. I quickly jumped at the opportunity to meet her plus I thought that with any luck, she’ll bend over in front of me as she’s hooking up her coach.
I stood behind the coach and waved Dolly back.. When she was in her parking space, I yelled “Stop!” But she kept coming back. I looked in her side mirror and I could see that she was listening to her iPod and her head was bouncing from side to side. So, I yelled again loudly, but she kept moving, and then I felt my foot being crushed by her rear tire! I let out a blood-curdling STOPPPPPPPPP!!! Finally, Dolly looked into her mirror and slammed on the brake.
She exited her bus and came back to where I stood in tears. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling her bosoms in tight against me. Then, she whispered into my ear, “Don’t cry Tommy Boy. Here, I’ll give you two free admission tickets for Dollywood, good on any week day, in the offseason.”
I said, “Geeeeeeeee Thanks.”
That night I had a horrific dream about Miss. Parton. The next morning I hobbled down to the office to hang out with Roger again. I started telling Roger my terrifying dream about me being one of Dolly Parton’s triplets.
Roger said, “What’s so terrible about that?”
I Answered, “I was the one on the bottle!”
As I sit here looking for the bright side to this story, I did get some free Dollywood passes although I need a wheelchair to use them. And my beliefs that blondes don’t belong behind a steering wheel has once again proven true.
photo by Dolly_Parton