Where in the World is D.B. Cooper? | HumorOutcasts

Where in the World is D.B. Cooper?

August 2, 2011
D.B. Cooper, the mysterious hijacker who plummeted out of existence when he jumped from a Northwest jet 40 years ago, has flown back into the news again. It seems that the FBI, who never closed the case, has come up with a new lead which might ultimately identify the elusive criminal.  Cooper, the man or perhaps the ghost, has been the topic of books, documentaries, TV shows and movies. There is even a bar and grill named after him in Madison Heights, Michigan (http://www.dbcoopersbar.com).  This is a lot of publicity for a guy whose identity is such a blur.

In case there is someone out there who doesn’t know the D.B. Cooper story, let me offer a quick recap.  In 1971, the mysterious stranger boarded a 727 headed for Seattle. The flight attendant on the plane (who was then called a stewardess until that became politically incorrect and somehow insulting) remembers a man wearing sunglasses, smoking a cigarette and drinking bourbon. Do you know what’s really fascinating about this description? He was smoking in flight. And can people wear sunglasses on a plane anymore? We can’t even wear them in my bank for security reasons. I would think they would be frowned upon in the air today.

Sorry, I wandered.  Anyway, the debonair — or at least Charlie Sheen-looking D.B — called the flight attendant over and told her he had a bomb and was hijacking the plane. The FBI was called in–and in an effort to save the hostages– agreed to give him $200,000 and four parachutes when the plane landed in Seattle. After Cooper freed the passengers and grabbed the dough and parachutes, he ordered the plane back into the air and proceeded to exit it via parachute somewhere over the forests of Washington State.
Where did he go?  Personally, I think Cooper, Amelia Earhart and the people who disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle all met up at Big Foot’s lair in the Pacific Northwest and are living a happy and blissful existence. It’s easy to do on that much tax-free money – ask the Republicans.

For decades, the D.B.Cooper fan clubs which include everyone from real criminologists to hijackers-in-training have studied the mystery man and his descent into infamy. Their devotion might soon pay off as the FBI investigates the newest lead that apparently leans to the credible side. I sort of hope the Feds don’t figure it out.  I like D.B. being the mystery that he is. As the anonymous hijacker, he has a bit of sex appeal.  If they find him now–40 years later–how much sex appeal can he have left?  How anti-climactic would it be to find out that D.B. Cooper was a disgruntled plumber who thought a hijacking might add excitement to his ho-hum life in East Cornfield, Iowa when in my mind I had him as a combination of Robin Hood, James Bond and George Clooney?

Is there a chance that D.B. Cooper is alive?  Sure, why not. Maybe he survived the skydive and made his way back to civilization and has been living off the interest of the money he got. Or maybe, he used the $200,000 as seed money for another business enterprise that has now developed into a corporate icon.  Hm. A big company in the Seattle area that was started in the last 30 or so years?  Any ideas?  How old is Bill Gates?  Nah, even Gates was a little tyke when Cooper jumped. However, do you know that Starbucks was founded in Seattle in 1971?  Yes, that’s true.  Coincidence– maybe not.

Okay, the Starbucks thing is a joke, so there is no need to sue me.  Anyway, D.B. Cooper’s identity might soon be revealed. Maybe when all is said and done, we will find out that D.B. Cooper was a woman dressed up as a man, and once she landed, she put back on women’s clothing and walked away without attracting any suspicion whatsoever.

I will be interested to see what the FBI learns. One day, the real D.B Cooper might flash across our TV screens and end the mystery forever. I think D.B. Cooper deserves some sort of acknowledgment for providing intrigue to the nation for four decades. He has become a legend. He boarded a plane an anonymous soul and exited one of the most famous criminals of all time.



Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of HumorOutcasts.com (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books (HOPress-Shorehousebooks.com). As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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11 Responses to Where in the World is D.B. Cooper?

  1. August 2, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    “Big Foot”? Please. I prefer ‘Sasquatch’.

    • August 2, 2011 at 4:42 pm

      I was going to use his formal name, but I could not figure out how to spell it, and I was too lazy to google it at that point. It was late. Thanks for picking up on that! 🙂

    • August 2, 2011 at 8:35 pm

      Oh Eric, I mean Sasquatch, I just got your comment. I apologize your big footness. I forgot your profile photo was that of the great Sasquatch. I will refrain from calling you or referring to you as Big Foot from now on

  2. Ted Thomas
    August 2, 2011 at 9:03 am

    Hmm…. Last seen 40 years ago smoking a cigarette. What are the chances he is still around even otherwise ignoring his high risk lifestyle. I don’t know for sure but I’m thinking less than 50%. Who knows though, maybe he quit smoking right after landing and is living amongst us. Maybe he is even reading this and getting a big laugh. 🙂

    • August 2, 2011 at 9:11 am

      well, Ted, Mayor Tom Lund has confessed to being DB on my facebook wall. I sort of believe that.

      • Ted Thomas
        August 2, 2011 at 10:18 am

        Interesting, does he smoke and just how old was he in 1971? 🙂

        • August 2, 2011 at 2:25 pm

          I don’t think he smokes but who knows anything about anything when it comes to the Mayor.

  3. Jack Sass
    August 2, 2011 at 8:39 am

    The starbucks thing makes sense to me. I’m gonna go with that. 🙂

    • August 2, 2011 at 8:43 am

      I like that idea too. Maybe we should confront Starbucks. You live closer to them. You do it, Jack.

      • Jack Sass
        August 2, 2011 at 2:16 pm

        I would, but I’m pretty sure they’ve take out a preemptive restraining order against me. If not, they certainly should.

        • August 2, 2011 at 2:25 pm

          Okay, I’ll go. We shall keep you under the radar for a little longer.

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