Foul Smells Begone!

I am in a foul mood. Well, not really, but I am in a foul odor mood. Why? Because in my travels this weekend, I came across two products that seem to address this topic. The first, Poo~Pourri, I found in a country store near my home. I was intrigued by this product whose advertising tagline reads “Spritz the bowl before you go and no one will ever know.”

Come on, how can you not want this product that has a name like Poo-Pourri and comes with its own poem? The product, in case you still don’t get it, gets rid of “stinky poop smell” ( that comes directly from their ad, I swear) before it has a chance to get into the air. The natural air freshener is made with environmentally friendly essential oils. I have to admit that I love the way the company markets this product. Its advertising copy weaves a tale of romance: A woman feasts on a dinner buffet, but the next day, nature calls – a lot! At work she has to use the ladies room over and over, and as she exits from one of her trips (of course, she has been spritzing Poo~Pourri into the commode), she spies the tall, good-looking, most eligible bachelor in her office heading her way. But much to her relief, there is no aromatic evidence of her trip to the ladies room. As he passes her in the hallway, he stops, looks into her eyes and utters these flirtatious words: “Oh, citrusy.” And so all embarrassment is avoided.

I wonder if they will make this a serial commercial and take us on a romantic journey from their first date to their wedding. Wouldn’t it be cute if they gave out Poo~Pourri as wedding favors?

Are you a guy who likes the idea of this product but feels funny carrying around a product with the name Poo~Pourri? Well, not to worry as the company also makes other essential oil bowl spritzer scents such as Déjà Poo, Heavy Doody, Royal Flush and my personal name favorite Trap-a-Crap.

All kidding aside, I have to admire the ingenuity of the people behind these products. I wished I had thought of it. Day in and day out, I break my back trying to crank out a living with words, and all along I could have become a millionaire by ridding the world of the smell of doo doo.

The second nose protector came to my attention via my daughter. We were in CVS spending our normal $150 on beauty and shampoo crap when she saw Ick-Stick™ at the register. Ick-Stick can’t stop odors from occurring, but it can stop you from being offended by them. I am unsure of the exact directions for this product, but it looks like a ChapStick™ only you stick it up your nose or near it or something like that, and whatever is in it, blocks bad odors from hitting your nasal passages.  The Ick-Stick makers use a scare tactic to market this product telling the consumer how a bad smell cannot only ruin your day but adversely affect your job performance and social life as well. Foul smells can make it impossible to be near friends and family.

Exactly how smelly are people’s  friends and family and why are they so smelly? I think if your friends and family offend this badly, you should buy a few bars of Dial soap for them when you purchase the Ick-Stick for yourself. A little extra effort could save so many relationships that are teetering on collapse because of foul odors.

I think the makers of the Poo~Pourri and the makers of Ick-Stick should form a joint venture. With pre-smell and post-smell factors eliminated, they can make the world a perfectly aromatic place to be. Who knows? Maybe it’s been the world’s smells that have been at the root of all the civil and international unrest that has plagued the globe for centuries. I wonder what would happen if we took both products into the UN or US Congressional bathrooms and let all the diplomats and politicians enjoy the sweet aromatic fragrances. If everyone only had to smell pleasant odors, they would see the world in kinder and more positive light. Our ideological differences could flush away with the stench of sweat and bad bathroom odors. Maybe, all we need is NOT love; perhaps all we need is for our noses to be happy.

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