I Would Totally Do Barack

Of course I would never do anything to hurt Michelle and the kids, or jeopardize national security, but if I was asked to, you know, do the president for the good of the people, I would.

I know that realistically, David Axelrod probably isn’t going to ask me to do the president when there are other more qualified people like Michelle, so instead I am going to concentrate on creating the most relaxing and stress-free South County experience I can, in case I am ever asked to host the first family.

Since the best time to visit south county is in July, the Obamas should definitely plan on stopping here before they head over to Martha’s Vineyard.

I can’t visualize what on earth we would do with Sasha and Malia because of course they don’t want to hang around us adults—maybe they could ride bikes to East Matunuck and spend the entire day and early evening day on the beach? I am sure that with all the old bicycles we have in the basement, there are bound to be two that would fit the girls, so they could just take off whenever.

I’m thinking that Michelle might really enjoy a full day of shopping in Wakefield or Wickford, or maybe she would want to spend the day with the girls? Or maybe the three of them might want to make a whole day of shopping and beach, in which case I could let Michelle borrow my car. I know she will appreciate the LGBT/Obama bumper sticker that has Barack against a rainbow background, with eyes modestly downcast and that enigmatic smile of his playing about his lips.

If Michelle and the girls are already out and about, they should definitely cap off the day with a visit to the oyster bar for some fresh shellfish and a killer view of the salt pond. It takes forever to get served there, but it is really worth it, so I am thinking it would make the most sense for them to just stay put and have dinner there as well, because the food is amazing. After hors d’eouvres, dinner and dessert, they can go across the road and get ice cream. Sasha and Malia will love it. After dessert they could go see a play at The Theatre By The Sea. Or go to the movies, or take a stroll along the sea wall in Narragansett. Or maybe drive up to Providence and go to an all ages show, or possible do some outreach work for childhood obesity?

In July My Royal Consort will most like be with his family working on the summer cottage in Connecticut. The odds are good that he might miss the first family which is really a shame, but it is important that he spend quality time with his own family, so I really don’t mind that I’ll  have to host the the president by myself all day and evening. Too bad our kids will miss the first family, but they both work at a residential summer camp so I guess they’re SOL.

Barack and I could take a walk up to the glacial pond where our family has been swimming forever. It’s less than a mile away, but very secluded and private.  The whole area is pristine, and the pond itself is breathtaking. Usually when My Royal Consort and I go to the pond, we like to bring a few cold beers and some snacks. I’m thinking that since Barack is on vacation, he might be down with drinking beer and relaxing on the dock. He might even want to sample some of our locally grown Rhode Island product, which has wonderfully relaxing physical properties that make you want to just stretch out in the sun.

The pond is so secluded and private that we always skinny dip. I’m not shy if Barack isn’t.

After a day on the pond, I’m usually ravenous, so we’ll just zip across the road to the farm stand and get some fresh corn, salad greens and local steamers. I’ll cook some linguine, open some nice white wine, light a few candles and put on some Al Green.

It’s so dark here in the woods because we are so far away from any light pollution, so the fireflies and the stars are spectacular. After dinner Barack and I could go lie down in the meadow and look at the sky while we wait for Michelle and the girls to come back—assuming they can find their way back up our long, unmarked dirt road in the dark. Must remember to get rid of the GPS.

Sometimes it gets chilly and damp on a July night. We might need a blanket.

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6 thoughts on “I Would Totally Do Barack”

  1. When I read the headline, I thought this was going to be some kind of “50 Shades of Grey” short story.

    It’s more like “50 paragraphs from the Time Out Guide.”

    Even so, I think you could definitely do a better job than Michelle of helping him break through his facial cliff. That IS what he’s been having trouble with lately, right?

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