Ain’t no NaNo Back Guuuuuuuuuurl

I’ve been sucked into the vortex again, friends. For the fourth year in the last seven (breaks were necessary due to book contracts), I’m attempting to master the NaNoWriMo beast and it’s not lookin’ good. Oh, the word count is decent and this time I even have an outline not written while asleep, but I’ve developed a medical issue and it’s only a matter of time before I go down for the (word) count.

Day One: My desk is tidy, filled with notepads, extra pencils, leftover Halloween chocolate, a copy of a friend’s book (how did that get over here?), and a fresh carafe of coffee. Birds are singing outside my window and my dog loves me. I whip out the first 1,700 words with ease. This will be a snap.

Day Two: The chocolate is gone. I’m on page 110 of friend’s book, I remind myself to dust the bookshelf, and the dog farted. Another 1,700 words but I’ve started making my main character do stupid things like horrifying children with his rendition of the Chicken Dance at his second grade last-day-of-school party. This may not end well. Is that wine?


Day Three: 


Day Four: Good GOD, what happened to my back? My thighs hurt, my hips don’t wiggle anymore, and my butt is on fire. I fear I have the dreaded NaNo Back and no amount of yoga will help. Send help as my dog left me and took the damn wine. Jerk.


Stay tuned. Send Chocolate.

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14 thoughts on “Ain’t no NaNo Back Guuuuuuuuuurl”

  1. I would like to hunt down whoever invented NaNoWriMo and make them eat every page they ever wrote. That is the greatest form of torture ever invented against those who would be writers.

    At the rate I’m going, my novel, which I started months ago, might be finished somewhere around the year 2033.

    Come to think of it, I could use some of that chocolate. And I will see if my cat is interested in being my muse.

      1. That’s great, as long as the chocolate isn’t the really good kind. If it is, I’ll probably use it as an excuse to stop writing and eat chocolate! 😉

  2. This is *outstanding* – so what I needed to read today. I expected to run out of steam/go slow/get stuck, I just didn’t think it would be so hard only four days in! This is my first NaNo. If you’re up for coaching a newbie, my username is “Lizziebo.”

  3. Obviously the only way to get you back on track is to send over Daniel Craig as your personal masseuse.

  4. It’s obvious that the dog masterminded a yoga plot twist to take out your back so he could have the wine. Trust me. I know about these things. I have a Dachshund. They’re devious.

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