My Shrinking Attention Span | HumorOutcasts

My Shrinking Attention Span

November 5, 2013

ImageWell, it’s happened. My attention span has plummeted to that of a goldfish, or so I learned while surfing on a BBC Online site.

Some killjoy researcher from the Equine Institute of Technology has discovered that the addictive nature of web browsing can leave a guy with an attention span of nine seconds. Apparently that’s all the longer a goldfish can focus on a Rice Crispy that lands in his fish bowl. Frankly, I’ve noticed similar symptoms in myself.

So, I decided to confer with our techno whiz Gabe about this troubling newsflash. Readers might recall that Gabe appointed me Chief Social Media Officer last spring. He then jumped on a train and headed for Las Vegas to play poker. Left to my own devices, it wasn’t long before I took the bait, so to speak. There I sat, shamelessly stalking Irish travel boards on Pinterest and embracing Oklahoma ranch life and the Pioneer Woman’s prune cake recipes. Linkedin soon became my morning marketing fix, while Facebook found me chatting up every new filly that “liked” my fan page.

Then came the infamous Twitter account. In the beginning, I didn’t know Twitter from twaddle. This probably explained how my first Twitter follower happened to be a woman named Sweet Cheeks. She requested to meet me under the yum yum tree, a puzzling request. Not long after that another gal showed up on Twitter and introduced herself as Anything Goes. Anyhoo, it took awhile for me to see that I needed to change my profile from tall dark and handsome fellow to tall dark and handsome horse. Sweet Cheeks and Anything Goes vanished from my Twitter feed.

By this time, Gabe returned home and offered his assistance. However, I had already managed to find other digital distractions, such as e-mail and instant messaging. And did I mention my Android phone? If it’s wasn’t dinging at me to read a text, it chirped that it was my turn at Words with Friends.

After serious thought about all this, I concluded that I had morphed into a digital guppy. It was time for me to unplug the laptop and buy a yoga mat. Maybe a nap and a few cleansing breaths will help me remember how to upload this blog.





Mary Farr

Mary Farr, a retired pediatric hospital chaplain and inspirational speaker has published five books including the critically acclaimed If I Could Mend Your Heart, and her newest release, The Promise in Plan B, Mary’s capacity to infuse audiences with joy and laughter inspires kindness, concern for one another, and a deep understanding of happiness. A graduate of the University of Wisconsin with a Bachelor of Arts degree in English, Mary completed her divinity studies in the Episcopal Diocese of Eau Claire where she was ordained to the permanent diaconate in 1983. She received a Master of Arts degree in Theology from St. Catherine University in her hometown of St. Paul, Minnesota.

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6 Responses to My Shrinking Attention Span

  1. Theresa Wiza
    November 6, 2013 at 7:21 am

    I’m older than you are. I think I’m down to 3 seconds now. Shame. I could have used those extra 6.

  2. Kathy Minicozzi
    November 5, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    You have an attention span of 9 seconds? To those of us with ADD, that’s called concentration! 😉 😀

  3. November 5, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    Yes, I do play Words. My handle is 1Noahvail. Let’s play! Come to think of it, that nine second attention span deal is sort of ruining my game.

  4. November 5, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Noah, do you play words with friends? Look me up! Maybe I can beat you? I doubt it though

  5. November 5, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    Nine seconds? Amazing, glad you’ve recovered.

    • November 5, 2013 at 2:58 pm

      If memory serves, the nine second rule applies to humans not horses. Maybe there’s hope for me.

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