The Next Golf Outing

I give President Obama credit for trying to remain cooperative and cordial with the opposition after all he’s been through. He’s dealt with Birthers trying to prove that he wasn’t born in the US (read: You’re not legitimate, you’re not one of “us”). The top Senate Republican once declared that his main goal was to make Obama a one-term president. He’s endured racial slurs, tweets about his wife’s butt, and cardboard caricatures of himself as a hunting target. One fool even shouted that Obama was lying during a State Of The Union address (though that outburst could’ve been directed at another voice inside his head, no one knows for certain).

Politics and competition is one thing, but no other president has ever had to endure personal attacks like this.

But Obama is still trying. The other day he went golfing with a small group of senators. It was a bipartisan foursome (that sounds kinda like a porno) on the Andrews Air Force Base golf course. It’s encouraging to see, but the men Obama was golfing with were largely moderate. One guy was set to retire next year (read: No re-election worries about “giving aid and comfort to the enemy”).

Here’s what the President should do:

Invite a group of politicians who dog-whistle for the racist/you’re-not-an-American crowd to a round of golf. Swing by and pick them up in the presidential limo. Shower them with praise and make them feel like the big, important men they’ll never be but desperately want to be seen as.

Then cruise across town towards the Andrews course. But keep driving past it and then stop at a ratty miniature golf course. As the politicians get out of the limo they’ll see a most unusual putt-putt course – the windmills and castles that the balls usually roll through are gone. In their place are perfect replicas of the politicians’ heads, where the ball rolls through an ear into an empty space where their brain should be.

And when the politicians bark “What the hell is this?” Obama can reply:

“Big courses are for big men. Little courses are for little men. Okay, this is a Par 2, who wants to go first?”