A Vatican spokesman announced that any link between Pope Francis’ recent conciliatory comments regarding atheists, gays, abortion, and birth control and an accident where the Popemobile’s braking system appeared to malfunction is purely coincidental.
The pope angered many conservative Catholics when he asked that we all “take it down a notch” when pointing out that atheists and homosexuals are going to suffer in eternal agony in the pits of hell. He also added that we shouldn’t be so hung up on birth control and abortion because “Hey, we all get a bit drunk and wild at times.”
The next morning after the comments were publicized, the Popemobile ran into a fruit cart after its braking system completely lost pressure. The pope was not injured, and while the brake line appeared to have been cut clean through by some tin snips which were found in the backseat near a note saying “Die you traitorous bastard!”, Vatican authorities do not suspect foul play.