7 Major Protocols for Spreading Ebola Terror Released

ebola 3Updated guidelines for helping politicians and media outlets to maintain the outbreak of Ebola fear were released today. The existing protocols have been severely criticized for not being sufficiently frightening.

  • All facts must be covered up to minimize the risk of the public being exposed to high levels of truth.
  • The temperature of the debate must be kept at fever pitch at all times.
  • Speeches and news reports must be sprayed liberally with dire warnings.
  • Whenever possible, politicians who are unable to distinguish between an Ebola virus and a gummy worm are to give expert opinions on the virus.
  • No sharp wit is to be used; predictions of Armageddon must be persuasive.
  • Real experts to be wrapped in a protective shroud of secrecy and kept well away from the public.
  • Any member of the public who shows symptoms of skepticism or appears unfazed by Ebola to be kept in strict isolation.
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