Most people are easy to shop for during Christmas. Your mom with the big garden gets a book about plants. Your son who’s totally into soccer gets a new soccer ball. But what if your uncle is the leader of one of the world’s largest countries, what do you get him? A neighboring country is a great idea, but he already got that for himself. You could buy him a nice shirt to wear while exercising, but then you remember that he prefers to work out shirtless, especially when photographers are around. Sending money is an easy, fail-safe option, but that money is suddenly becoming worth less with every passing day. And he’s already rumored to have a net worth of 70 billion.
So what’s a cousin to do?
Here’s what. You listen to the speeches he gives around Christmas. Because hidden within them are subtle clues revealing his deepest Christmas-gift desires:
And there’s your answer. It’s so simple. It’s time to go out and buy Uncle Vlad a stuffed teddy bear.