Christmas Shopping For Uncle Vlad | HumorOutcasts

Christmas Shopping For Uncle Vlad

December 19, 2014


Most people are easy to shop for during Christmas. Your mom with the big garden gets a book about plants. Your son who’s totally into soccer gets a new soccer ball. But what if your uncle is the leader of one of the world’s largest countries, what do you get him? A neighboring country is a great idea, but he already got that for himself. You could buy him a nice shirt to wear while exercising, but then you remember that he prefers to work out shirtless, especially when photographers are around. Sending money is an easy, fail-safe option, but that money is suddenly becoming worth less with every passing day. And he’s already rumored to have a net worth of 70 billion.

So what’s a cousin to do?

Here’s what. You listen to the speeches he gives around Christmas. Because hidden within them are subtle clues revealing his deepest Christmas-gift desires:


And there’s your answer. It’s so simple. It’s time to go out and buy Uncle Vlad a stuffed teddy bear.


Thomas Sullivan

Thomas Sullivan is the author of So Much Time, So Little Change (a book of essays published by Wayman Publishing). It is available at Amazon in print and Kindle. Thomas lives in Seattle.

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3 Responses to Christmas Shopping For Uncle Vlad

  1. Bill Y Ledden
    December 21, 2014 at 9:03 am

    I’d hate to hear him explain what James Joyce’s, Ulysses is about!

  2. December 19, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    Wow, you should get a job as a personal shopper!

  3. December 19, 2014 at 7:20 pm

    And a bottle of bile as a stocking stuffer

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